Twenty-Nine. I am taking myself to bed on the precipice, but you will technically arrive sometime around four in the morning. Knowing my inevitable battle with sleeplessness I’ll still be awake as you come to pass. I know, I’m still quite the “Spring Chicken”, but for the first time, I feel kind of old, and you’re honestly the first that has been unwelcome. The journey of my 29th revolution around the sun, quite frankly,...
Why are you such a jerk, brain? Why is this the time of day I suddenly feel most awake and alive? Seriously, I must question my sanity entirely when at 4:37am I am so over the not sleeping and all the thinking, questioning, analysing that I consider going out and about for a walk and dancing in the early Spring drizzle in the dead of the night. Actually that sounds like a really swell idea, but I can't be bothered getting...
"Where does it hurt?"I haven't had a massage in over a year. Everything hurts. That's what I am thinking laying naked, covered with a sheet, face up, on the massage table. She is massaging my head. I have no answer. "Any particular area that has been bothering you?"She asks as her fingers massage deeply in my neck and jawline. "My back. Everywhere." And with that, the enchanting Celtic ambient music begins. And the massag...
Oh. You are sick? Is that what the text message on my phone says at 7:20 am Sunday morning? Yes. You are far too sick to come to work today. You will call me at work after 8:00? Oh, don't bother. Just call there now and leave a message. There is really nothing to talk about. I mean, you are just the Supervisor. I only scheduled you all weekend because I am a mean, vengeful person and the worst boss ever. I didn't schedule...
I am finding it increasingly difficult to witness chaotic confusion at work without letting it bother me. Three hours into my day and I want to scream over the radio “EVERYONE CALM THE FUCK DOWN”!!, but instead I will calm down and vent here. Lucky you.You see, the problem is, most of my staff is not “seasoned.” They have no idea what mid-March and spring break will bring us. I do. A fucking flood of people with unimagina...
How in the world did we get here? One moment we were kids with small problems that we deemed the biggest problems in the world, like not wanting to have a bedtime because we were "too old" for that crap. Or, not being able to get that brand new toy that every kid seems to already have meanwhile you're there stuck with old, outdated toys. Those were the small problems that we used to deem as the biggest problems. And what...
No one seems to understand eating disorders. If I'm being honest, I still have a lot to learn about them too, but I know enough to tell you what for if you tell someone who has Anorexia "just eat" or someone with Binge Eating Disorder that it's "just willpower" and to "just tell yourself no" because it is not that fucking easy. Now you can joke and laugh all you like about how I'm "too serious" all the time or ask me if t...
Some people feel the need to end their life, I don't understand why. I know I've felt this way and sometimes I was so close to actually doing it. The thing is, I know that maybe one day living will be worth the struggle and hopefully all the things that I've gone through, or that you've gone through, will all be worth it. I'm not saying that it will for sure be worth it and I'm not saying that one day no problems will com...
I vigorously dislike it when you give someone advice, and they just don’t take it. You know, I gave some really good advice. I was kind about it, but it was just ignored. I can’t rant about it here without giving it away, but fucking hell, really? You know what else I dislike? Seeing computer terms mis-abbreviated. I don’t care if that’s a word, I’m using it. I saw a CD-R, and on it was printed, “700 Mb”. Really? Seven hu...
The day was good. I think it was Friday, or perhaps Thursday, but either way, the whole day was amazing... Until the very end. The bell had rung and I was walking to the stairs when I heard a guy from my grade (he was on the bench in the Senior section upstairs) exclaim, "I'm gonna jump!" Now, that bit freaked me out and I turned, but he got down off that bench and he laughed. That fucking asshole laughed. Sure, let's all...
It amazes me how so many people don’t know how to wash their hands properly. You see it everywhere: on TV, in public toilets, even in hospitals. It bothers me to the point where I wanna rant about it. So I will. Let me just say that I’m not a clean freak, or a hygiene freak, by any means, but the hand washing thing does irk me. There really is no excuse for it. We are, after all, supposed to be educated. This all started...
"Speak your mind. Like I care. I can see your lips moving, I've just learned not to hear..."Go ontell mewhat'swrong with itwrong with feelingor acting this waywrong with having a wallwrong with me.Here's a clue:I already know!You thinkI actually go through life...without a carehow I act,how I am,who I am?I knowsometimesmy poems aren't amazingsometimesthey're just wordssometimesthey're my pent upangerfrustrationpainlovehur...
I fucking hate you! How fucking dare you bring out something in me that I've never ever felt. I've never allowed myself to feel it and yet you make me feel it. Why? No fucking idea. You cow, stop sending me letters, stop interacting with me, I don't want to know you. I'm done with bitches like you, I'm done having my heart ripped out and stomped on. I'm done being told that I'm "clingy". What worse thing could you say? No...
Verbal diarrhea a terrible affliction,once started, becomes an addiction. Brain in neutral, tongue wagging,popularity, now certainly lagging. Words spewing without control,ears closed, no one can console. Nothing said making any sense,unable to feel any recompense. People constantly hear the rant,sounds like a Gregorian chant. Spittle sprays from lips rampant,words uttered unable to recant. Noticing everyone backing away,...
I am sitting in my room, again... Nothing is changed. I am once again lonely, having nothing in the world but myself. Blinking, I wonder what is wrong with me. Is it a wrong wire in my brain? Is it a genetic defect I need to cut out of me? I am unsure as I move around the room. Glancing at the soft light of the screen, nothing on it just a blank page with the words this copy is not genuine, and a smiley face of the messen...
