It amazes me how so many people don’t know how to wash their hands properly. You see it everywhere: on TV, in public toilets, even in hospitals. It bothers me to the point where I wanna rant about it. So I will.

Let me just say that I’m not a clean freak, or a hygiene freak, by any means, but the hand washing thing does irk me. There really is no excuse for it. We are, after all, supposed to be educated.

This all started when I watched an advert on TV for some hand washing solution. It was one of those no touch dispensers, which is a stupid idea. You need to touch the soap bottle and, if it’s anything like I think it is, then you have to pick up the damned dispenser and pretty much force the refill in. So it’s full of bacteria to begin with, ultimately failing in it’s ignoble aim. I say ignoble because (okay, this sounds hypocritical, but bear with me) a little bit of bacteria, even so called “bad” bacteria, is good for you. You need “bad” bacteria to build up immunity to disease and such. The only way that dispenser is going to ever be completely clean, is if it’s packaged in a sterilised room (which I’m sure it is) and vacuum packed, to keep the bacteria to a minimum and then assembled by the end user, using sterile gloves.

Anyway, back to the ranting. In the advert, the woman put her hand under the dispenser, turned the tap on and washed the soap away without even lathering it. I’d be sure that I didn’t have to go into an explanation as to how to wash your hands, if folk were doing it properly, but it looks like I might.

First off, select your soap. It doesn’t matter, as long as it lathers well. Set it to the side, you’ll need it later.

Second, turn on the tap, make sure the water isn’t too hot, or too cold. Too cold isn’t going to kill bacteria, too hot will burn you. Soap needs water, in order to create a good lather, so get your hands wet.

Are your hands wet? Yes, they should be. Now, grab that soap and rub it between your hands. Don’t be afraid of the reaction between the soap and water, that means it’s doing it’s job. Got a good lather there? You should.

Next step, rinse. Thoroughly. Then shake the excess.

Well done, you’ve just washed your hands properly. Most people forget step two and go straight to step three, like in the advert. Fools.

But... It doesn’t end there. No, my friends, it does not. Because you must now dry your hands. Yes, drying your hands is just as important as washing. Grab a clean towel. Clean. No dirt, that means. Start by drying your palms, then dry each finger individually, get the bit between your fingers too. Water and bacteria like to collect there and not drying properly allows the bacteria to have a nice habitat to multiply.

Now, you’ve washed and dried your hands properly. Give yourself a pat on the back, if it’s clean.

I have a friend who works in a hospital. He likes to keep everything clinically clean. Spotless. Lately, he hasn’t had enough time to clean or tidy, but he noticed something. When his flat was spotless, he had a lot of ailments. This was because he didn’t allow the bacteria to grow enough so that he could get accustomed to it and, as I’ve already mentioned, build up immunity.

Now, I’m not saying that we should be living in a state close to that of a pig, but we shouldn’t be living in a laboratory setting either. We should strike a balance.

Speaking of balance, I lost mine today. Stumbled and tripped, but managed to stop myself falling over completely. It was the new shoes. I had to get my boots repaired, which cost me half the price I paid for them, originally, but if the repair does the job and lasts, then I’ll be happy. If not, I’ll be bloody furious.

Mustn’t grumble, we tell ourselves. Why? Because some donkey tells us not to? I’m not doing what a beast tells me. Bugger that! I wanna grumble, now, about the state of clothing. I can’t get any to last me. I remember (ee, it were grand when I were a lad!) when you bought a pair of shoes. When I was a child, I walked about four miles a day. And that was just the journey to and from school. I remember shoes lasting about a year before throwing themselves to bits. Now, I’m lucky if they last me three months.

I walk a lot, you see, and I demand that my shoes can keep up with me. The most annoying thing is that the leather itself is fine, but the sole and heel wear out so quickly that it’s not even worth paying the exorbitant prices, which is why I always wear cheap ones. You might think “well, silly, that’s why your shoes wear out so quickly!”, but that isn’t true. Through trial and error, I’ve found that he more expensive stuff is just as bad as the cheap stuff, sometimes worse! You get what you pay for? Not always.

I got a DC jack socket and it cost me just over a pound. A more expensive one would have cost me about twice that and been half as good. As good as crappy gets, at least. It anoys me that the price of raw materials is going up. I had to buy some solder. Even a year ago, it would have cost me less than a fiver. Now it costs me ten pounds fifty and that was because of the price of raw materials. The government blames it on metal theft, but that’s bollocks: Metal theft has gone on as long as metal has existed. By metal theft, I mean people stealing metal from railways and places like that, even road signs, to sell for scrap. What I really want is a good set of screwdrivers that don’t fuck up the screws, or chew themselves to bits. No such luck, with screwdrivers, you really do get what you pay for. I received a tool set when I graduated from my computer fixing course at college, those were expensive and are still going strong today, but most of the bits are too big now. When I studied, screwdriver bits were a decent size, but because technology is getting smaller, the screwdrivers themselves, or the bits, rather, have to be smaller. Progress, I guess.

Quite how I got from hand washing, to screwdrivers, is rather amazing. But please, remember to wash and dry your hands thoroughly. If I see that you’re not doing it (I have spies!) then I’ll hunt you down and wash them myself, you got that? Good. Rant over, have fun out there!