There are some subjects I stay away from. I avoid them like the plague. Politics and religion are the things I steer clear of. Earlier this week, I commented on a quote by Oscar Wilde. I like most quotes I’ve seen from him, but the danger is that they are taken out of context. I’m not sure if this was in or out of context, but the quote was “every sinner has a future every saint has a past”. I actually quite like this quo...

A bubbling pit of shit,you shouldn't go near it,but there was this tit,who went near it. Curiosity was written upon his face,so he took up his maceand peered upon the waste.His nostrils were filled with it,"Poo, it really is a pit of shit!"He said as he gazed upon the pit.A hungry hawk flew above,"Mmm, I'm sick of dove,"the hawk licked his lips,and flicked out his tallon tips.With a swoop, he headed towards the pile o' po...

Magnetism. It really is inexplicable. I seem to be drawn to the word "inexplicable". It's a good word. Being drawn, magnetised, to someone is a funny thing. One day, you could be walking down the street minding your own affairs, like Alex Harvey sang, and then, unlike Alex Harvey sang, someone catches your eye. It might only be momentary, but you feel drawn to that person. Then there's the Internet attraction, which. even...

We need to see the sage,for he is a wonderfully wise mage.So off we went,we were hell-bent,but he lives all the way in Kent! With a song in our heart'sand a spring in our steps,we found him at Imhotep's. Far away from Kent, he is,we asked him why,but he went into a fizz. "It's none of your biz!"he said in a fizz,and rushed off to watchLes Mis. We rushed after him,not understanding his whim,but he ran away,to another play!...

I don't know if I wanna sit about doing nothing or nap. I kinda want both,but also neither.Sleep feels much nearer but doing nothing is more of a head clearer. The trouble with naps,is you either wake up refreshed,or you find a desert has set up shopin your mouth, of all places. You see the dilemma, right?My muscles feel tight,so a nap might be just right. Tiredness is a blight.

Teagle was carried off by an eagle,so that together,they could eat a beagle. When sitting down to eat their beagle,they saw a someone."Hey, you," said Teagle, "you free wee girl?"The girl just laughed like a maniac,for in reality, she was an insaniac. "Teagle, take your eagle and eat your beagle on a bagel!" Teagle wasn't too happy, though, to be fair, he was wearing a nappy...Which was really very crappy. His eagle frien...

You know that feeling that you wanna write, but you don’t know what, but you just open a word document and fucking write? That’s what I’m doing. I’m just gonna ramble. I know how much some of you like my rambling. I like it, too. Tyops! No, typos. They were all over the shop, but I edited them out. Apart from the one at the start of this paragraph, that was intentional. Speaking of shop, get onto Facebook and search for “...

I’m gonna smoke a bong,wearing a thong,then sing a song.Thong Bong Song, it shall be named,and after that, I shall be blamedfor corrupting youth, but we all know the truth.They can’t be tamed,or I blamedfor their minds being maimed.They grew up twisted,that’s just today,but come what may,they will always say:“Oh, you cannot blame us,for you would make a fuss,every time we cuss!So what choice do we have,but to sit and have...

I should write a poem,So a poem I shall write, Though, actually, I don't feel too bright,So maybe I'll just take a flight.A flight to where?Now, that's a bugbear!I'll go to where I can hug a bear. I should watch out,Lest I get julienned,Or for me, it shall be the end.

I like drink,and drink, I think,likes me. What a pair we are,keeping one another company.Like old mates,we have a laugh. Guess what?I don't get a hangover.Never once. Now you hate me,and I giggle "teehee".Anyone got some brie? I'm drunkin the manner of a skunk,so... y'know... berzunk!

Oh, yawn,might I compare thee,to a word that rhymes with thee?Or maybe I shouldclimb a tree?I don't know,but I'll let the words flow,they may be slow,but I'm gonna crow.Oh, crow, might I compare ya,to yer elderly pa?Nope, nada and definitely nah.I think I'll just look,and think you're a rook. I think I'm stupid.

You won’t read this,but if you do, you’ll walk away.You’re gone, now, aren’t you? You won’t even score. No comment.You don’t care.I don’t care about you either.I write for me. You think I’m writing for your enjoyment?Think I’m posting because I want attention?I want nothing like that.Fame, fortune, glory, awards,all are just side effects.Not for me. Okay, awards, maybe.I like those.It’s nice to be recognised by peers,but...

As I gaze into the gaping hole,I'm amazed at nothingness inside.No contents, just a quartet of shiny walls. My hunger may be temporarily quelled,but my bag of crisps is empty. One handful after another,salty goodness fills my being.Crunching and munching,I smile. But as I look into the gaping abyss,I long for more. Can I have some more crisps please?Damn I ate all my crisps.

I’m not doing this any more.I’m giving up,witness me!Giving up. No more trying for me.Why should I? Everything goes wrong. Love, lust, work.Might as well give up on life.Or at least this life.Get me a new one,forget this shit.Relocate, quit this country.Get somewhere else,just fuck off,who cares about independence, anyway?Start another business,or continue with the old.Make jewellery and sell it.I hear women like jeweller...

You get stuff you don’t deserve,friends, family, they all love you,but I know the truth.It isn’t what you think, I’m harmless.I’ve seen the way you skulk around,looking at those children,you’re a monster!I have to look at them, nobody else will. Who’s going to protect them?I think you know the answer:Their parents can do that.They will protect them.They can’t. I’m the only one.How arrogant are you? Do you really think I’l...