If there was one thing that Nell hated more than anything, more than taxes, more than bridge tolls, more than wet socks and rain-sloshed shoes, morethan garbage skips on a hot day and lumped milk and vegans who can't go anywhere to eat without customising everything on the menu... more than spineless parents and people who talk through films and eat too loudly and Facebook, more than snobbery... if there was one thing, ab...
I woke up tired but inspiredThen my dog desiredTo disobeyAnd run awayThat kills my dayThen I heard a dropFrom my rooftopI took a peekAnd found a leakThat kills my weekI lost all ambitionAnd want for nutritionI rarely ateA healthy plateThat kills my weightIt will be nine yearsI lost her so dearWith pain I partToward a new startThat kills my heartThe torment I feelTime has not healedNor the daily rifeFilled with strifeThat...
A plea sent up to a silent space.Begging the keepers of time to freeze these seconds in place.A descent has occurred in my mind today.the familiar face of sanity has taken leave this day.I fight to hush the voice that screamsfrom my eyes.Distorting the image before me untilsuspicion greets the smiles that wander in on my never ending mile.Inside of a room with the pale green tile.The man in the white coat seems to be givi...
The darkness descended upon the night, So heavily you could hear it hit the ground,The birds still sang their songs by day, But I could no longer recognize the tune.My feet ran furiously, But I gained no ground.I reached out,But no one was there.I looked upon the faces of the crowd,But no one seemed to know me.And the truth was, I barely knew myself.I got down on my knees and begged forgiveness,Guilty of what, I do not kn...
Friday "I want you out of this house." Silence as I pack. "You're better off dead than doing what you're doing! You know that!? You're better off fucking dead!" I continue to pack...shirt sleeves (it's October), hoodies, Deodorant.... "That's what these drugs will do to you...they're going to fucking kill you, slowly and painfully. You're better off fucking dead!" Maybe I am...I don't know. I continue to pack: Xbox games,...
Within I feel like I've lost a battle I didn't even know that I was fighting.A war for the carnal desires and attention of my wife. I'm the one who took myself out of the fight right from the start. More than just my physical inabilities have gotten in the way. I stare at the same screen now that I've stared at so much before that I've allowed to get in the way. It's all been a choice, and it's all been mine. But not her,...
Day 67: Lying around pitying myself. The heating in this place is ridiculous, I’m either producing icicles or I’m peeling all my skin off in a bid to stop sweating all the water out of my body. I’ve noticed a recurring theme in my blogs: the notion of ripping my skin off. I’m not into all that, I swear. “Over-active imagination”. That’s what my mum told our neighbours when I ran out of the house last summer screaming, “AL...
Der Untergang She was a regular mom. Well, maybe not a regular considering she ran her own business, but other than that she wasn’t any different than anyone other average mom. She loved her kids, loved her husband and did what she could for them. She had wonderful friends who made life worth living and was there for her when life got rough. One might go so far as calling her a success, something that wouldn’t be all that...
I've got a twenty dollar bill rolled up that says money's best use is when it isn't being spent I roll it over and over in my brain time and time/again and againbut it's all memories as that blurred part of my life is now completeand I'm just like every other adult I told myself I never would beFuck, I hate this. I don't want this.I want my dormroom, I want my girlfriend,I want my mind fogged because all it sees when it's...
Day 64: Shedding my skin and fucking crawling out of it. I can’t hack this place any more, I long for grass. Burn these buildings and walls and grow grass, and then the naughty grass. So we can all get high as the sky and not give a fuck who falls to the ground. Not give a fuck if I fall to the ground. I won’t. There is no meaning any more, no light at the end of the dank tunnel, no big celebration party, no sudden epipha...
What am I doing? I should be doing more with my life than just sitting here miserable. But no, here I sit at my desk, writing my thoughts in this book. Does it help? Some. Do I want it to help more? Sure. At least it is very relaxing to me. That’s a plus.Since you left, this is all I have been able to do. I guess it’s medicine to me. I never have been one to talk to anyone about my problems. I always bottled them up. Sitt...
Home alone, once again. You’re not here To hold me, Comfort me, Lay in bed with me. Why did we break up? I miss the weekends We spent all day In bed, cuddling, Kissing, Touching. I remember the First day you said I love you To me. I was on cloud nine That day. When we broke up, I became depressed, Went back to My old habits. I really need you Right now. Please? It’s raining in my life, And I’m drowning In my tears. Come b...
I guess I really can’t blame them.How could they be expected to know the truth,When all they see is some well-rehearsed smile,That I have been putting on in the morning,Like a clean shirt.I think I have it down to a science,I’ve been doing it for so long.I’ve polished my act to where I almost fool myself sometimes,Yet at times the sadness slips through to the world.My mother asked me the other day if I was doing drugs aga...
Call me some sort of human or animal if you pleaseI crawl in the depth of depressionWhile you're in the happiness of your own homeBut don't get distracted by this factEverything means something and something means everythingYou don't see this; you only see this little partOne time you need to step back and look at the big picture, right?But don't get distracted by this little factLife is a wreck and I'm the wreck it has h...
Crazy people scream in vain,Scream for blood, curse the rain.Useless beings line the halls,Ugly pictures on the walls.Another job that I'll hate,Not gonna argue with my fate.Another girl calls me honey,As she asks if I have any money.Politicians run the state,Preachin' love, rule with hate.Another kid goes off to die,Everyone too busy to ask why.Another day don't ask why,Another reason to get high.Get a job and settle dow...
