**Picks up a cigarette. Lights it. Puff puff, Cough, cough (chokes). Switches it off** I don’t even like smoking. Worse still I am right outside a cancer ward. Alright, I don’t even know how I’m gonna start this story. Physical appearance? Boy, would I like to address that elephant in the room. I am not an elephant per se, but if you put two slim bodies together, they would probably fit in my pants. The world seems to acc...

Pardon me, miss, have you time for a poll? No, not today. I'm out for a stroll. That's okay, ma'am, while you stroll I can poll! All right, I suppose, if you poll while I stroll... Do you plan to vote in the presidential race? Oh, yes! Not voting is a terrible disgrace! Tell me a bit as to how you'll choose— If you could, please share your views! Well— I do not like the orange man I do not like his Muslim ban I do not lik...

MY TYPEI’m into her typeShe is definitely worth the hypeI got an eye on her like a pirate Can’t wait to have her in private Designed by her Gods, definitely built for touchDespite the game of odds, I think her and I are a match God, if you are listening, you know I don’t ask for too much Gimme a shot, not the full game just one match Not the whole box, just one match…. (Stick) I can spark a flame, give my competition thei...

He didn't think I saw him but I did. Out of the corner of my eyes I just caught sight of him as he turned the corner. He had the stealth and quickness of a cat.I took off running. He wouldn't get away this time. It was always the same. He cut and slithered through the crowd as he tried to escape me.Younger and faster he traveled at the speed of light. But my old age gave me wisdom and treachery. I deftly cut the angles an...

Traveling across the US with a group of talented actors was one of the best jobs I ever had. In between shows we lingered backstage swapping stories from our younger days. One of the funniest stories related to us came from one of the girls; it concerned her entering puberty.She had just finished her shower and was in the process of toweling off when she noticed hair sprouting on nether regions, in a state of panic she so...

“Aw Mom,” whines Jeremy. “Do I have to take history? I hate history.” “Yes, you must take it this term.” “But history always leaves...” Jeremy thinks, “a bad taste in my mouth.” “I know dear, but we all have to do some things that are unpleasant at times,” she explains. “Besides, it's required if you wish to graduate.” Reluctantly, Jeremy takes the educational capsule and swallows it down with some water. “Yuck!” he grima...

"This tour guide doesn't know what he's talking about. You don't need to go all the way to the student union for lunch — the coffee shop at the library is better, faster and cheaper than the cafeteria. The selection isn't quite as wide, but...""Listen, I appreciate your insight, but you really don't need to be here. It is 'new student' orientation, after all, not 'new student and chaperone.'""We aren't the only mother and...

No matter where you stand, anything dropped in the kitchen will always kick, bounce, twirl, and roll under the refrigerator.The amount of sugar, creamer, salt or pepper in those little paper containers will always be just a tad less than you need.No matter how much battery you have left on your cellphone, it will always die 10 minutes before you absolutely need it.Whenever you need cash, the ATM closest to you will always...

(continuance from chapter two) D'amieeh's phone kept dinging with text messages from the girls that followed the hashtag #SnatchATwin from IG, G+ and Facebook. Questioning her run-in with Larry, when and where are they meeting for breakfast. At some point, she grew tired of the back and forth with the messaging so she shot the girls a group text:I'm pulling up at hotel. We'll finish convo at breakfast. Not sure of locatio...

I'm not saying I'm old as dirt, but the Dead Sea was still alive when I was born. During that time I've seen umpteen number of Olympics Games and have watched the games turn from athletic splendor at its best to a hodge-podge of spandex wearing cereal box models.It feels like I went to a hockey game and instead of fighting, they do rock-paper-scissors. Of course during prime time they make me watch water polo, bike riding...

The door to the mess hall opened and in walked three of Murdock’s crew, they had had enough of searching and now were feeling hungry.While two took a table and sat down, one walked up to the counter wondering what was today's grub,"Grim, Smiley be any of ye thar?"Sive blinked a couple of times not answering, would they recognize her voice?"We be searching the cargo bay for them prisoners Murdock lost. Now we be taking a w...

For the last few weeks, I've had the opportunity of having several clans of my family visit for various lengths of time. As most of you who know me are already aware, I am as fun to visit with as a wounded bear. Yet somehow I persevered, put on my human face, and answered when my name was called.It's always the same routine. "Hey, how are you? Long time no see. Glad you could make it." Read that as "Oh, geez. What's this...

Hey Suzy, In the last two weeks I have received five amazing internet offers. Each was from an individual who desired to make me the recipient of a bodaciously huge sum of cash. Three of these offers were from various Nigerian bank employees. Men with larceny in their hearts who were looking for the same among folks in the good old USA. It starts with Dr. Ramadan Abdu, who is, or was until recently, (I'll get to that part...

Sive had swiftly realized her only chance was to get up into the dark rafters and crossbeams the dancing poles were attached to. If she could reach the beams and hide behind them long enough maybe the Sargo police would get here soon . They could divert the pirates giving her a chance to disappear amongst the crowd. She slowly turned to face the pirate. He was loosely pointing his gun at her as he walked towards her. She...

Now, I'm not complaining, you understand, but these foreign dogs I’m living with are crazy. I call those house-hounds 'foreign' because one is part German Shepard, another is a mix of French poodle and something else, while the other is probably, more or less, Tibetan. The problem is whenever the French guy sees another dog or any other animal, either alive or animated, on TV, he begins barking and making like a love-stru...