I generally do not like massages. There is something about a fully clothed stranger touching me while naked that resonates weird in my mind. It brings to mind the clinical setting of my doctor’s office instead of a relaxing environment. Masseuses also ask awkward questions; “What do you like?” and “What do you want me to work on?” in a coy manner. These inquiries remind me of the strip club venue, being awkward but withou...

Everyone has them somewhere in their family tree. You know. The great-great grandfather no one will talk about because he was hung as a “hoss thief”. Or the distant cousin who died penniless because he had a drinking and gambling problem. Then there’s the early pioneer who came west and no one is quite sure how he was related but he may or may not have killed his partner over a gold mine. Everyone has one. Except me.  How...

I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. I found out later that often happens when men meet mermaids. I still smile and feel warm and giddy inside when I remember the very first words that she said to me on that deserted beach. “Get the hell off of me, you pervert! What do you think you’re doing?” I removed my hands from her rib cage. “CPR,” I said. “You were unconscious, not breathing! I was doing chest compress...

Today I was sitting as I often do,smelling the roses, sprinkled with dew. A bee came along doing its work,probing the flowers, not one to shirk. Amazing I found this to be,as I watched tiny honeybee. Studying with an inquiring mind,staring at this honeybee's behind. Caressing petals with its feet,suckling flowers nectar, sweet. Probing deep inside with its head,pollen gathering for it to spread. Anther of one, to stigma o...

Fruit Trees and Stupid People;My trees are full of fruit,my neighbors gather in groups.Oranges and Grapefruit everywhere,and there goes my neighbor,.. ( inhis underwear. I give them away forfree..) O.M.G. now he's on his knees.They bring over bags, buckets and carts,you would think it's a blue light specialat Wal-Mart. At night they think theyare being smart, with their FLASHLIGHTSwaving in the dark. I whisper softly, go ...

What is a rainbow but a colored arch, With dreams at each end to wish for. Seven hues and shades from a color chart, Just one of many beauties from nature’s store. Each rainbow the same made from the grandest plan, Arching high and far in colored rows. Like a fireworks show or a peacock’s fan, Our hearts are filled with the awe it bestows. Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and...

As I looked at my new psychiatrist Dr. Milford, I could see the gears turning. He had one of those transparent clocks in front of him on his desk. I could also see that he was thinking about what I had said. “So,” Dr. Milford said, “you are incapable of being serious about anything, you always act like a childish, boorish ass, and you alienate everyone with incessant silly, inane, inappropriate, immature jokes and antics....

A country boy I have always been,crowded places make me cringe.Open spaces are where I thrive,away from the city's fringe. Out where not many dare to venture,is where I always want to be.Walking mountain trails cool and crisp,or deserted beaches by the sea. Listening to the birds sing their songs,or watching animals cavort.Hearing the waves lapping at the shore,or sounds of a whale's snort. Sunsets at the edge of an open...

A wondrous thing that happens as your exit becomes near, is that bad “long-term” consequences need not cause you fear! Bottom line: there’s no “long-term” when soon you’ll see your savior! The construct is just meaningless, so why restrain behavior? Melanoma matters not, go tan in the bright sun. Enjoy your favorite cigarette after the browning’s done. Who cares if cholesterol results in heart disease? Eat that double bac...

I wonder how many packages like this are sent through the mail everyday. Dozens? Thousands? Millions? Tiny envelopes or large boxes filled with the belongs of someone you used to know. T-shirts, photos, silverware, sex toys, baseball cards. All of the crap forgotten by "him" or "her". The person that now must remain nameless. These random items bouncing around in a cardboard box on it's way to Cleveland or San Francisco o...

I saw her photos on her wall and I thought I’d give her a call and so that night we videoed with Skype. I looked at her, she looked at me and in an instant we could see that we both felt we were each other’s type. As we both stared I just sent text hoping for what might come next. I asked, “Can we do cyber-sex tonight?” She typed back in a fancy font “I know exactly what you want.” She said, “I do think it would be alrigh...

It seems that lately I can’t get no peace, From all those so-called Grammar Police,Who for some reason think that I should care,The difference between there, they’re and their.They want to analyze everything I say,Just waiting for me to lie when I want to lay,And I really think they just do it because,They want to further some petty cause.So, what I do is I mess with there head,I write the word red when I really mean read...

It is a blessing that we cry if love we have begins to die and thus we have to face life all alone. If hubby smacks us in the head or wifey cheats in our own bed or doggy chokes on a soft sirloin bone. If son is hurt by angry thugs because he owes them for his drugs and there is no insurance to pay his bill. If daughter says she is with baby yet daddy’s name is still a maybe since she forgot to take her little pill. For l...

cantankerous - we cannot drop our anchor anyplace. alternate - do plastic surgery on Nathan’s face. bargain - to totally ban the making of a profit. rufie - one who likes to hang around a soffit. implacable - -cannot be bronzed or shown inside a frame. ameliorate - to talk about Amelia Earhart’s fame. universe - a to-the-point single stanza poem. bookish - looking like a novel or a tome. doughboy - when a deer gives birth...

The man called out — there was something to see!Quickly the wife pondered what it might be.His voice held not a hint of worry or stress.Indeed, was that a tone of happiness? Following the sound she’d find no dire plight,As into her view came a farcical sight."Like my new look?" he asked, preening and proud.She stifled a laugh: "For crying out loud!" Clothes loose as the trappings of a teenage gangster,Yet he looked less ‘...