A wondrous thing that happens
as your exit becomes near,
is that bad “long-term” consequences
need not cause you fear!

Bottom line: there’s no “long-term”
when soon you’ll see your savior!
The construct is just meaningless,
so why restrain behavior?

Melanoma matters not,
go tan in the bright sun.
Enjoy your favorite cigarette
after the browning’s done.

Who cares if cholesterol
results in heart disease?
Eat that double bacon-burger
with some extra cheese!

Catch and cook those tasty fish
from that polluted river.
Drink away the hours each day.
To hell with your dumb liver!

Send a naked picture
to your hot neighbor’s e-mail.
You’ll be underground before
she gets you thrown in jail.

Next time in the museum lobby
climb the big T-Rex!
Hit your red-light district
for some unprotected sex!

Grab that balding pudgy chap
and yank off his dumb rug!
Use your meds and get real high
on some prescription drug!

I can swear that I have lived
the things that I now preach.
I can guarantee the same joys
are within your reach!

Do avoid my one faux pas.
I began at twenty-five.
I would be thirty-two today
if I were still alive.