What I saw surprised me, It wasn't very big. It flew around in front of me, Then sat upon a twig.   It didn't 'ave no feathers, It didn't 'ave no fur. And when I looked more closely, It wasn't really there!

When two young, moderately successful vaudeville performers teamed up for a comedy act in 1923, it didn’t take long to realize that they had found the right fit — both personally and professionally — and that their future success would be far beyond moderate. Together, George Burns and Gracie Allen, who married in 1926, formed one of the most popular and enduring comic duos in entertainment history. Burns was largely resp...

 She woke up ecstatic at the thought of the joyful preparations ahead. She really loved the holidays.Then she caught sight of a printout her husband had left on the table. The Christmas present ticked her off mightily."You got what for my mother?” "It's not what it looks like," he said.“Good, ’cause it looks like a ticket to Timbuktu!”“That’s where I’d like to send her,” he muttered. It was the wrong thing to say.*“The de...

My muse has gone missing! She just up and left. Abandoned, alone... I'm confused and bereft. I've looked high and low, But she's not to be found. Dagnabit! Why, oh why, did she Have to go underground? The world slows to a crawl When my muse isn't here. Plainly, she is the one Who shifts me out of low gear. Without her, 'tis true I'm at a sad loss. For in most facets of life, My muse is the boss. What's for dinner? Who kno...

I wake in the morningAnd rouse out from my bedVisions of yesterdayStill dancing in my head. Down the hall, I do walkTrying not to stumbleThoughts and words come to meThey're all in a jumble. To that place in the houseFinally make my wayTis here that I beginThe dawn of brand new day. There I push a buttonMagic elixir you seeI need you so badlyJust to return to me. It is not in a rushIt takes its time to cookIt takes eterni...

He was a tinkerer ever since he could remember; plastic bricks, tiny fake logs, that’s how it all began. Since then, he had graduated to bigger and better things–they weren’t actually very big things in any literal sense of the word, but definitely much better, definitely more serious, definitely more important. It sparked and sizzled out between the cold, steel tongs holding it in place. This one failed, again. If it wer...

It's a dire diagnosis for our intrepid heroine... "We don't see you in here often, Maggie. What seems to be the trouble today?" "Well, doctor, its this darn apostrophe, thats how it started but things has got alot worse in the past couple days. I should of came in sooner. I know." "What exactly do you mean, 'this darn apostrophe'? I don't see any apostrophe." "Precisely my point! It went missing where I want it, than show...

Some words that we believe exist, really don't. Our family dinner that Sunday held a certain amount of importance. It would be the first time in ages that we'd all be together at a time besides a major holiday — and the first time my two older sisters would meet my boyfriend, who by then was already an unofficial fiancé. Their opinion wasn't a deal breaker by any means, but I hoped they would like him as much as my parent...

Some words that don't exist, really ought to.   "The word is 'peppier,' pronounced 'pep-ee-ay'," announced the spelling bee moderator."Definition, please," replied the entrant, launching by rote into the set of questions she had been taught to ask."One who grinds spice onto a diner's food at a restaurant.""What is the origin?""'Peppier' is faux French.""Faux French?""Yes, that is, it is not truly a French word, but rather...

Hormones are vital (as anyone knows), Steering everything from sleep to sex drive. Without them, we couldn't feel or think — Indeed, we need hormones to thrive. Yet they behave in peculiar ways, Some may wane while others surge. Normal functioning is nigh impossible When, at cross-purposes, their missions diverge. They blithely swing this way and that As though it were some sort of game, Calling into question conduct (or...

Treated with politeness, you respond with sheer disdain, Spewing forth drivel, sanctimonious and inane. Rude, demanding, belligerent and sassy — Ungrateful, unkind, decidedly unclassy. Your actions are summed up by words that start with 'un' — Uninspired, unmannered, Uncalled-for, unprogressive — Unwise, unashamed, Unpropitious, unsuccessive — Unfaithful, unintelligent, Untruthful, unimpressive — And now I must stop (alth...

Hey, listen up! Here’s a fantastic notion! You ought to hurry and put it in motion. What’s that, you don’t like it? In fact you disagree? I'll just keep repeating, ’til you concur with me. Unfazed by your refusals, I'll push again and again. My idea might grow on you by time number ten. Your methods may be fine, but mine are even better. Now to convince you, shall I put it in a letter? Don’t get all huffy; it was merely a...

It seems the Rascal’s head’s in a swell,Of this fact none could dispel,Her boasting that she’s always correct,Is just a phase, I would suspect,Though to be certain only time will tell. Risking the harmony of this peaceful site,By going around boasting she’s always right,So, in the meantime we’ll let her be,And when she talks, we’ll just agree,Than try to correct her and risk a fight. And where this thing should be put to...

Hello, I'm new here. I am better than you. I'm smarter and kindlier — Cleverer too! You're stupid - you're snooty - You're unworthy of my precious time. As for me, it's plain to see: I'm magnificent and sublime! While I am Secretariat,Or perhaps Seattle Slew,The rest of you, a sorry lot,Are destined to become glue.This may seem rather blunt,But that's just how I am.If my directness hurts you,Well, I don't give a damn. Ple...

Un 'Tis a challenge to always be right, To gently correct when with words one could smite. To remain patiently kind When dealing with those of small mind. Yet not be dragged down by the blight. Deux What does it take to always be right? Hands down each time, to win every fight? Steadfastly claiming to be superior, A guardian of truth, not a pain in the posterior — And when called out complain of one’s plight. Trois Lonely...