I stroke my beard,
am I weird?
Well you have to be weird
to wield a beard!

Like a Lord,
I strut about with a sword.
Am I a Lord?
No, but I have a sword!

A bacon sandwich,
I eat at Nantwich.
I have a stitch,
Oh, bloody sandwich!

I’m an ordinary man,
eating a sandwich,
but I didn’t plan
on going to Nantwich.

I wanted a beer,
but there wasn’t one here,
so I went to Nantwich
and ate a sandwich.

Now off I go
to drink a beer
with a queer
and say “ho ho ho!”

He’s no ordinary queer:
He makes a good beer,
he’s a bit of a twat,
but I like him like that.

Queer is what he calls himself.
To be honest, he’s cute as an elf,
so here’s to his health!

I like trains,
also brains.
I’m going home on trains
and eating brains.

I have brains in my beard,
isn’t that weird?
Well, you have to be weird,
to wield a beard!