Mess Stories

'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the townNot a shopper was smiling, they each wore a frown;The cars they were parked in their bays willy-nilly,Whilst pedestrians dashed to-and-fro running silly;The children were screaming for this toy or thatWhilst their grandparents scanned for milk allergies and fat;And mammas in Ugg boots and dads in bad sweaters,They fast-scanned "Dear Santa, I want..." in kids' lette...

I performed many different odd jobs when I was a teen and into my early twenties. I mowed lawns at five different homes including my own. Several people also asked me to paint and redo their kitchens and bathrooms. The result of all this painting helped me become a home handyman when I got married. The first apartment we moved into needed a lot of refurbishing. Rooms needed stripping of wallpaper. Windows needed re-glazin...

There once was a blue skeleton in a closet Who had a blue bucket full of goo A curious cat fell in the vat  And became blue too The cat was shockedI'm wetI'm gooeyI'm blueSo the cat did the only thing the cat could He flewHe flew out of the bucketAnd out of the closet tooWith a glowing blue streak He bounced off the ceilingPainting the bedroom all blue He rubbed a streak down the hallway wall He left tracks down the stair...