100wordsorless Stories

Acting on impulse; farting to temporarily stun the Sargent, I pluck a cocktail umbrella from the raging woman’s dress. Impromptu dart blowing weapon fashioned with the pink straw. My jaw set as I look for my target.  I only came to pay homage to the fashionista of my dreams and Rumple is the only one who knows the truth. The bloody snake! He hit on me, showing off Coma and Tose- pulling my secrets out as easy as serving j...

Sergeant, what are you doing with that orange bag over your head?  I told you to cuff them, not muck about!, And ... O my god, that woman’s hardly got a stitch on — cover her up with a black bag someone — and as for you Cocktail Dress Lady, haven’t you got a home to go to? Hey, what’s going on? You, Blonde Southern Belle, stop fiddling with my belt this minute. O sh... my trousers, give me back my trousers! And leave my w...

Looking closer, I realize who shambling man is.My ex, G, Garbageman. I should have known. He never could resist anything in polyethylene.I stand up, adjust my cocktail umbrella "dress", ready to confront that no good ex-garbageman. I'm about to grab his arm when I see the Glad lady has returned dressed in an orange bag. That was always our color.Ready to tell him what I think, I'm inturrupted. An inspector starts listing...

ALRIGHT, QUIET EVERYBODY! No one is to leave — and that means you three. Names please. Ahem, it has been drawn to our attention that there has recently been some highly irregular behaviour in this bar, and there will be prosecutions. Do you want me to spell them out? 1. Wearing of non-biodegradable plastic. 2. Abuse of cocktail party products. 3. Oral gestures of a forbidden nature. 4. Excess perspiration of an offensive...

Sashaying, (or should I say, sacheting?) back, Rumps is eerily quiet. Not a solitary belch marks my return. ”TRAADAAAAAAA!” I shout, twirling around the ‘exercise’ pole for maximum impact. Voluminous orange polyethylene billowing; his enchanting, porcine eyes feasting on me. “Damn!” My finger bleeding from an embedded cocktail umbrella.  Thats when I spot her. My saboteur and potential garbage man thief I think, seeing th...

Head throbbing I open my eyes."Why am I still in the bar?"I remember ordering a few non-virgin Hannahs. The table in front of me is covered in cocktail umbrellas. I look down aware that I am wearing an "outfit" made entirely of cocktail umbrellas. It gets worse. I notice the "exercise" pole has several umbrellas stuck to it."Oh god, what happened?"I risk a furtive look around the bar. Among the usual patrons of Rumps' the...

He was hot. In a sweaty way. Not that I could talk, I’d out perspired a horse in this ensemble hours ago.  “Who said I was nice?” I smirked, pulling an extra long neon pink straw from my French plait. His muddy eyes widened, mouth flapping semi seductively, trying to formulate an answer.  I tipped the appletini onto my plastic covered lap, hooking my ankles together to avoid spillage in one practiced move.”The mug was dir...