The tears flow,

I wish I could sleep,

to drift down into unfeeling nothingness 

To cut myself off from this hollow emptiness 

But the tears flow 

and my thoughts 

Swirl

Playing out every twisted scenario of 

How I fucked it up

How I could have done it differently 

Of how much of a goddamn idiot I am

Stunted in emotions 

Stunted in heart 

Dead in the head 

Unable to express what it is that you truly mean

To me

Unable to admit, for fear of opening my heart

Of being hurt.

I am broken 

And the tears flow

Because I know 

I am always my own saboteur 

I am always to blame 

I am undeserving of happiness 

I am alone 

I will always be alone 

And still 

The tears flow