Today at the Trump School of Dance we’re going to teach you Mr. Trump’s personal favorite move, The Narcissist Hustle. If you promise not to tell him I told you this, it’s actually the only step he knows—but he performs it expertly, better than anyone alive, in fact.

Follow these steps precisely, and before long you’ll be doing it like a pro, too.

1. Rationalize: Dismiss and make excuses for your bad behavior. (“This was locker-room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago.”)

2. Deflect: Draw attention away from yourself, instead focusing on someone who has done something as bad or worse. This may seem contrary to the Narcissists Creed, but it isn’t! Don’t worry, it’s still all about you—about proving you’re better than the other guy. (“Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course—not even close.”)

3. Shift blame: Inserting the word “if” into an apology puts the onus on those to whom you’re ‘apologizing’ for taking offense so you don’t have to accept responsibility for causing offense. (“I apologize if anyone was offended.” In other words, he’s sorry that anyone was such a wimp to be offended, not that he said something incredibly offensive.)

4. Backpedal, deny, dig in: You can do one, two or all three in this free form expression. Have fun!

Repeat.

(Your outcome may vary. Not all students will master The Narcissist Hustle, and none will do it as well as Donald Trump because only he can be the best at anything. Just ask him.)

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