Bread and butter. It’s simple and beautiful in its simplicity. It is one of those things that always comes through in a pinch. Whenever I’m hungry and there’s nothing else, I make myself a bit of bread and butter and it makes me happy.

It’s the simple things that make me happy and you don’t get much simpler than bread and butter.

I had some amazing bread a while ago. It was salt and pepper French bread. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of it at first, but when I tried it, wow! It was brilliant. It was even better toasted. It seems like toasting it made the flavour just multiply tenfold, at least.

You know what goes surprisingly well with bread? The Lady that is Vodka. Yup, she goes extremely well. A nice grain Lady is best, I think. Though, I do like me grain Ladies.

Getting off the bread topic, there’s something else that I like: combinations of food that may seem odd at first, but once you try them, you kick yourself for having never tried them sooner. I think my favourite odd combination is lemon curd spread upon chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, you actually have to try it yourself to believe how good it is. Tart and crunchy go so very well together and the chocolate offsets the bitterness of the lemon.

One week, I was extraordinarily drunk and happened upon another weird combination: Scrambled eggs with cinnamon as a seasoning. Also works really well with cinnamon on toast, I know because I tried it when I was sober and really enjoyed it. I should try it with a soft boiled egg and cinnamon soldiers. I’m making myself hungry.

There’s another thing that I’ve been working on, but haven’t yet found the magic combination. As I’ve stated before I love my Lady Vodka (see the poems, if you don’t believe me!). Usually I’ll drink her straight because that’s how I prefer it, but sometimes I fancy a Bloody Mary. I was a bit cool one night and no amount of jumpers was making me warm, so I thought I’d try a wee experiment: a warm Bloody Mary. It’s probably been done before, but I was going to try my own recipe. I haven’t yet managed to perfect it, but I’m in the process of it. Call it a work in progress. One thing’s for sure, it’ll involve some tomato cup-a-soup and for a very simple reason: tomato juice doesn’t heat up very well.

Ach, now I want some Vodka and I don’t have any. Boo-hoo!

Here’s another weird combination and yet another drunken happening. I’m not some sort of drunken dude, but I enjoy a drink at the weekend, you see. So anyway, after a bottle of wine, I’m always hungry and... well, I’ll keep the other part to myself: it’s not polite to say such things. Where was I? Ah, yes! Right well, this one involves bread. It’s a sandwich, you see. I like my sandwiches with butter on them, occasionally mayonnaise, but not very often. So here I am, raiding the fridge for food and come across some peppered roast beef, well, that’ll make a good sandwich, I thought, so I broke out the rolls and hacked one open. Swaying slightly, both from excitation and drunkenness, I buttered the roll and slapped the beef in. Then the breakthrough came: Banana. Yep, I sliced that bad boy up and chucked it in the roll along with the beef. What was to come was... a total foodgasm. You really need to try it yourself, yes, it does sound weird, but try it, it’s just magnificent!

This rambling really has no meaning, I’m just rambling about food and drink and the like.

Oh, you know what I like? It’s weird, but the taste of lipstick, one particular one in particular, particularly. That’s a bit too particular, isn’t it? But this lipstick is lovely. It’s not like I eat it or anything, but I enjoy the taste and smell of it when I use it. The one I’m talking about is Max Factor Ruby Tuesday. If you look in my picture gallery labelled “Me” you’ll see it in all it’s glory. It’s a beautiful shade.

Which now brings me to my next point. It’s a difficult one for me to discuss, so bear with me. Beauty. Eye of the beholder and all that crap. She, for that is what I shall call Her, is beautiful. The first moment I encountered her, I knew she was special. Something else. One of a kind. I wanted her.

I’m sorry, I can’t continue with this, it’s too difficult. Put it this way: If there was a chance, I’d take it and run with it.

Speaking of running, I feel this rambling has run its course, so I shall leave you with this conundrum: What is when it isn’t? Did you get it? If you’re really curious, ask me, I don’t bite.

See ya around!