Self-actualization Stories

It’s hard to get an alert, physically fit, conscious wife into a coffin without her knowing it. Blindfolding her helps, but if it’s dark because all the lights are off it’s still a difficult task. I had just put Veronica into the coffin after bumping her head against it for a third time.“That’s it! Three strikes and you’re out!” Veronica screamed. She sat up in the coffin and ripped off the blindfold. “Go turn on the ligh...

It takes a desperate man to pursue a woman who thinks that he’s a disgusting, lying pig. My ex-wife Veronica was the woman. I was the man and the pig. “What kind of pervert gives his ex-wife a box of flavored lubricants and a blow-up nun doll for a commemorative anniversary gift?” she shouted. “You are a pathetic pervert!” “Firstly, that’s nice alliteration!” I said. “But heck…can’t you take a joke? It’s a gag gift!” I ha...

Three Sundays hence I’m on MEDICARE, this Sunday I’m depressed. Once that milestone comes to pass all hope is put to rest. For now at this late stage in life it almost certainly seems that I shall never realize my glorious cherished dreams. I’ll never be a baseball player, or find a cure for cancer. I’ll never be a movie star or a graceful ballet dancer. I won’t become an astronaut who walks in outer space, or drive a tri...