Dashing through the snow on a bright red sled he goes carrying a sackful of berries to everyone he knows. Fa la la la la! Fa la la la la! He’s flying through the trees past sparkling evergreens to all the deer little girls and boys in their Christmas dreams. Fa la la la la! Fa la la la la! Fresh snowfall on the ground Christmas day is here deer families celebrating wishing to all good cheer! Fa la la la la! Fa la la la la...
The all-consuming flames wash over me and start a fire in my core. Although I burn, so does the air about. The blistering heat of the forge peels away the grimy layer of metal, but as I fold it, a new layer forms. The hammer strikes. Sparks fly. Hair ignites. All but a little hair remains. Pumping the air to stoke the flames, the singed flesh against skull and bone. Another piece makes its way into the heart of the forge....
Children are so excited for Christmas Day The countdown has officially started Santa will be embarking on his sleigh The children hope Santa is bigheartedAre they on the naughty or nice list They’re hoping they have made the cut The older Children wonder if he exists This makes them anxious in their gutsThey’re acting all sweet and nice Listening to what their parents say Hoping their wants are not too overpriced Being re...
“Are you elfing nuts? You can’t go on strike!” hollered Santa. Yes, there were times when the ‘Big Guy’ bellowed, or even screamed. Like the time Blitzen accidently stepped on his big toe – the one with the bulging bunion, or when Mrs. Claus accidently spilled a mug of hot chocolate on his lap. “We’re in prime toy-making season fellas.” Santa Claus pleaded; he’d never experienced something like this before. “Don’t they li...
"Not guilty, Your honor, for how were my reindeer to see the old lady crossing the street!" Santa explained loudly. "But why were they flying so low in the first place!" The lawyer cried out. "That little old lady didn't even suspect after enjoying the holidays with her family, she would become a hit and run victim!" Santa hung his head in shame. Rudolph was sick in bed, and he had to deliver presents without him. The fog...
Not guilty, your honor. It was not I who broke into the Martins houshold. I was not the one who stole the flatscreen in the living area. It was not me who broke down their seven foot tree. I did not steal the presents from underneath. My name is Santa Claus. I delivered those presents at midnight on the twenty-fifth of December. I polished the ornaments and placed a bow on their Tv. I fed the dog and gave him a bone. And...
"It's not what it looks like," he said as I walked in. Ever since I was little I’d wanted to meet Santa, but silently sneaking down the stairs on Christmas Eve to find him standing over my father’s body was not how I’d pictured it. "You’ve kill my dad!" I cried as I rushed over to him. A glass of milk was spilled on the floor and chocolate chip cookies lay scattered like my broken hopes and dreams. "No, I didn’t. I promis...
An ample woman and her tubby hubby were nestled on the couch. He was watching football and her eyes were waltzing over the pages of Romeo and Juliet. “Look babe! There I am!” and he pointed to a number on TV that matched the jersey he was wearing...She patted his round tummy with a smile. ”The ball?” she said. It’s hard to concentrate on a book while in a room with a loud TV, but she valiantly pressed on, eyes dancing on...
Mom’s birthday was August 24. On August 25, she started baking for Christmas. The first thing on her agenda was the fruitcake, because it was best if it aged three or four months. In September, she started baking cookies. She made several dozen Pfeffernouse, followed by several dozen Springerle cookies. Then, there’d come a short hiatus from making Christmas food, to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. After Thanksgiving, sh...
The Christmas Tree Low humidity. Twinkling lights on a dry tree. Teddy bears aflame. Mommy’s Legacy Timmy wanted toys. Mommy bought him three sweaters. Tim hates women now. Santa Slips Up Santa is aroof. Black ice on cold dark shingles. Splat goes Santa Claus! The Electronics Sale Big screens marked way down! Doors fly open, folks stampede. Some save. Others die. The Christmas Goose Strong drinks and laughter. Santa’s han...
Spectacular is the only word that can describe the view from the plane window flying into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. One gets fearful as the Grand Tetons appear as though they will scrape the bottom of the plane at any second. One ponders whether at any moment the airline will play some documentary soundtrack to fit the experience; something with drums and trumpets. This, of course, presupposes that you are one of those fortu...
Overview Credible Christmas historians have long known that the North Pole was not always a child-friendly place. This was evident in the early 1950’s, when resentment over impossible Christmas Eve toy delivery schedules was intense. On February 11, 1952, the rancorous “This ain’t milk and cookies…” negotiating session took place at the North Pole. The following reconstruction of part of that session comes from personal d...
“Pwesent!,” my daughter shouted. “Pwesent!” “I’m sorry,” the elfin voiced on the telephone said. “I didn’t understand that. If you want a present for yourself from Santa, say ‘Present.’ If you want Santa to get something for Mommy or Daddy, say ‘Parent.’ For anything else, please say ‘Other.’ “Pawent!,” my little girl shouted. “Pawent!” “I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that…….” My daughter Penny was now crying. I hung up t...
“Should I start just before I shot Mr. Potato Head in the face?” I asked. “No,” Callahan replied. “Pick it up earlier than that.” “When I discovered that Santa Claus was Amish?” I asked. “Before that,” Callahan replied. And then he looked at me and made his pitch. “You know,” he said, “we’ve already wasted three days on this. Internal Affairs has better things to do than spend time on your pranks. Do us all a favor. Admit...
