My first exposure to the wonders of television was shortly after the Second World War when a hardware store up the street put one in their front window. They turned it on when programming started which was, depending on the channel, sometime in the afternoon. They then left it on until the following morning when they shut it off to allow the vacuum tubes to cool. It was the first one in our small town and a great draw, es...

This is ridiculous, now the boss has every girl in the department hard at it. He's getting desperate and I can scarcely believe what he's paying them all to do... trawling the Internet in search of a talented erotica author and reading embarrassing stories all day. "There must be somebody out there," the boss keeps saying. "For God's sake, find them." The boss wants a hit, inspired by the spectacular sales of another publ...

We have all heard of Naugahyde. It was used in upholstering custom cars in the 1960’s and 1970’s. But does anyone know where it comes from? Does it come from an animal? Where does it live? What does it eat? How is it gathered? I have wondered about these things for years. After extensive research and hunting of historical and agricultural archives I think I have pieced together the ‘Life of a Nauga’ history. Back in 1930...

I wish to write a treatise on my good wife. I believe she deserves one after her past endeavors to make our life more pleasant. Not that I wish to make her out to be perfect, she has her little quirks and foibles as everyone does. I even have a few myself, although I have been fortunate in being able to suppress them enough to make a favorable, if not approbative, appearance. But this is about my wife, not myself, even if...

  This story contains mature themes * * * Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did the genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure, he reflected knowingly. Washingtonians, especially those who live...

Coffee. What Sam needed was coffee. He was a walking zombie, desperate for caffeine. It was a condition of his own making, he had to admit, since he was the one who'd wanted to drive on their family vacation instead of flying. And so they had spent more than 40 percent of their holiday — two days down and two days back — stuffed into a Hyundai Sonata, a car which seemed roomy enough during his solo daily commute but quick...

Treated with politeness, you respond with sheer disdain, Spewing forth drivel, sanctimonious and inane. Rude, demanding, belligerent and sassy — Ungrateful, unkind, decidedly unclassy. Your actions are summed up by words that start with 'un' — Uninspired, unmannered, Uncalled-for, unprogressive — Unwise, unashamed, Unpropitious, unsuccessive — Unfaithful, unintelligent, Untruthful, unimpressive — And now I must stop (alth...

Hey, listen up! Here’s a fantastic notion! You ought to hurry and put it in motion. What’s that, you don’t like it? In fact you disagree? I'll just keep repeating, ’til you concur with me. Unfazed by your refusals, I'll push again and again. My idea might grow on you by time number ten. Your methods may be fine, but mine are even better. Now to convince you, shall I put it in a letter? Don’t get all huffy; it was merely a...

It came out of the blue, a slight breeze at first — Surely nothing to cause any worry. Then thunder rolled; it was such a cloudburst! Menacing, and not in a great hurry. Long craved, perhaps: Absolute dominion! A purlieu over which to run roughshod. But 'truth' unmasked as haughty opinion, The Squall revealed a brusque, humorless clod. Despite claims to be caring and witty, What occurred was blustering about. Some thought...

It seems the Rascal’s head’s in a swell,Of this fact none could dispel,Her boasting that she’s always correct,Is just a phase, I would suspect,Though to be certain only time will tell. Risking the harmony of this peaceful site,By going around boasting she’s always right,So, in the meantime we’ll let her be,And when she talks, we’ll just agree,Than try to correct her and risk a fight. And where this thing should be put to...

Hello, I'm new here. I am better than you. I'm smarter and kindlier — Cleverer too! You're stupid - you're snooty - You're unworthy of my precious time. As for me, it's plain to see: I'm magnificent and sublime! While I am Secretariat,Or perhaps Seattle Slew,The rest of you, a sorry lot,Are destined to become glue.This may seem rather blunt,But that's just how I am.If my directness hurts you,Well, I don't give a damn. Ple...

Un 'Tis a challenge to always be right, To gently correct when with words one could smite. To remain patiently kind When dealing with those of small mind. Yet not be dragged down by the blight. Deux What does it take to always be right? Hands down each time, to win every fight? Steadfastly claiming to be superior, A guardian of truth, not a pain in the posterior — And when called out complain of one’s plight. Trois Lonely...

I've met someone famous today, I'm sure you will have heard of her. She's the first lady of France, Carla Bruni no less, the glamorous wife of the vertically challenged French President. Carla, as she insists on me calling her, is guest of honor at the engineering company my husband works for. She's been invited to cut the ribbon and reveal their latest creation, one half of a machine developed in harmony by Britain and F...