Sitting here late at night and half asleep I seem to hear a voice calling me, as I listen and wonder if it is only in my mind or is it coming from someone I failed in some way or merely left behind? To sort it all out, I let all of the good and bad guys I have been along with the demons and angels who defeated them, come together in me now as I greet them like a cast that’s been assembled like a gathering in an empty room or theatre. With the proceedings beginning in silence and are like either a vicious cabaret or a circus parade that is seldom seen, and I have tasted and shared both famine and feast along with the scent of both victory and sin. As I defend my soul against all of those who would judge and accuse me.

With things and times being hard as dreams tend to get lost like the shuffling of cards yet still I know who I am, while those Jesters in that dark courtyard in the North can be seen expressing their desire and yearning to amuse me. I know that that sleep alone would ease all and have all of the old emotions finally be able to rest in peace. While I try to find out all that I can on my own but then again I have asked to be taken home because I don’t remember, yet inside or outside there is no real place that can truly be called home except for that North Country Fair. I have been a prisoner of some sort most of my life and seen the changes in the mirror on the shelf in the morning light, with all being like a tale of The Beauty and The Beast yet I still have new found horizons and wish on a guiding star. Going to find that Girl from The North Country Fair, who has told me not to worry and she and God have told me to relax, and her smile is the one I dream of in the times I manage to sleep and dream.

There have been times when I haven’t been myself and wasn’t able to put things right with apologies or flowers, and having been like a crying clown wearing a frown on my face as I live out the role with the cast I have had come together, and slowly moving through them as if I were in the middle of an angry crowd as I see them all face to face here inside of me. Knowing the play will go on for hours in a bitter style with black and white for every one like Vaudeville or Melodrama. Or perhaps something more like the old Penny Dreadfuls or the Two Penny Rushes with their snap endings? As I look at all of the good and bad guys I have had gathered here with the demons and angels who defeated them.

And think of the things that I have seen and done in the past that some people wouldn’t believe and think of as crazy, such as dancing in the freezing cold and snow in front of the ancient and massive Tannhauser Gate or the midnight rides, and seen the dark light of the sun seem to set fire the shoulder of the constellation of Orion and seen concepts collide.Yet, all these moments will end up lost in time and be like tears shed in the rain that mingle and are washed away.

Standing as if I were alone amidst this gathering feeling a mix of fire and ice from the stares that are given, I also seem to get the feeling that the dawn’s dark light is lost in those skies of black and those layers of sad decay. Needing to keep my hope and faith alive as I seem to know that those demons here can’t wait to hold a requiem over me, and it might be sad and sorry as I take all day by day even if everything seems turned around and changed in some way. But, I'll take my chances every day with choices of either left to right or up and down in this bittersweet symphony of life, as the play seems to go on and time seems to have stopped here in this room or theatre as I move through the angry crowd. And it seems that I hear the sounds of a drum being beat slowly and a fife played lowly, amidst all gathered here I seem to have the feeling as if I am once again to be the gentleman who fell.

Hearing the low roar coming from all of the voices of those gathered here sounding like a mix of prophets and fools, which has me wondering during these proceedings what might possibly be in store for me and I know talk can be cheap, and has me allowing my silence to speak out loudly as I begin to make my way through the crowd and head out of here.

Feeling the vacuum of their eyes on me as I reach out as if from life to life to that Girl from The North Country Fair, and slowly turning into the light that she sheds like a guiding star knowing she has felt my closeness like a shotgun, and felt my darkness that times has chilled her soul and we both know that passion can take its toll and love ain’t no crime. So I’ll walk out the door and make my way to her and leave all gathered here to realize suffering needs to be let go.

Copyright July 2011 – 3: Timberwolf International LTD.