There are times when I feel dreadfully alone.

My heart aches and feels as if its lonely beating

will pound right through my chest.

Like it will tear through my fatigued body.

Panic attacks occur

coming out of nowhere.

My breath whooshing out of my body

as if an enormous weight has landed atop of me.

The tears that come out of my eyes only add to the weight.

Reminding me of my brothers,

when I would watch them bench press 

hundreds of pounds.

But they can handle that weight.

If only I could lift it off from my chest

and breathe at the same time.

But no, I'm weak.

That weight pressing on me

makes my hunger impossible to quench.

How can I eat 

with it pressing so harshly onto me?

My stomach can hardly hold anything I once loved.

What was a delicacy to me

causes my stomach to churn

and I have to look away to keep from being sick.

Sleeping has become near impossible.

Tossing and turning accompanies my long nights of thoughts 

that I can't get rid of. That, 

or evil visits me, in my fitful sleep.

No one is there.

If I want a comforting touch, I settle for my own hand 

pressing against my cheek or forehead.

A gesture of sad exhaustion.

The weight I must carry

occasionally lifts. And I can breathe again.

But too soon it drops back onto me

and makes the air in my lungs whoosh back out.

So many times I have wanted to talk to my friends about myself.

But I can't help feeling like they have so much of their own to deal with.

How could I be important 

when so many others feel the same weight dragging them down?