I allowed myself to give him everything.
He had my heart,
He had my soul,
He had my mind,
He had my everything.
I wanted him to have it all. Though I was warned be careful who you give your heart to.
While growing up, I was raised right. Don’t be dumb, don’t hand your heart to just anyone.
My mama spoke to me, telling me to be smart with my heart.
“Yes Mama,” was always my answer, I didn’t want to disobey.
I was foolish, and fancied the wrong boys when I was younger. I wanted someone to want me.
They used me up, took what they wanted, and disposed of me like trash.
Whose fault is that?
I suppose mine. Mama did warn me, didn’t she?
I had enough,
I stopped,
I didn’t want anyone.
I closed my heart up. I built a brick wall around my feelings, and enclosed a thick layer of ice around the brick wall. I was emotionless for near four years. I had enough.
I met a ‘man’ who swept me off my feet, told me all I wanted to hear.
The ice melted, the bricks crumbled.
I fell for him, I fell hard and fast.
He did things for me others did not.
I thought he must be the one.
Year one passed and things changed.
He changed.
He was mean,
He was hurtful,
He used me,
He abused me,
He hurt me.
I was stupid, and thought this must be all I deserve. Who else would want me? This is the best I can do.
Such a stupid little girl I am.
Four years passed with this abuse put upon me.
The force he used on me,
The strong hand he used on me,
The hate he used on me.
He finally fucked up. He was sent to jail, for something as stupid as having no insurance on his car, and went to jail.
He was given six months.
I was scared,
I was confused,
I was lost.
I now am to live alone?
I suppose I have no choice, now do I?
I took this chance, I left him.
I ran, and freed myself from the abuse.
I spiraled out of control.
You see I lost myself in thinking I couldn’t be alone.
I began trusting people on-line.
Silly me!
More ‘men’ hurt me.
More ‘men’ lied to me.
More ‘men’ abused me.
More ‘men’ left me.
I gave up, I was done!
Until the day I came upon this one boy. Yes, that’s how I saw him at the time, a boy.
He made me smile,
He made me laugh,
He made me blush,
He made me feel things,
He made me do things I never dreamed.
He was there for me,
He was sweet on me,
He treated me good.
We embraced what we felt,
We became a ‘we’.
He loves me,
I love him.
He treats me well,
I treat him well.
He needs me,
I need him.
He kisses me,
I kiss him.
I’m his everything,
He’s my everything.
One day we’ll meet.
This much I know.
Because our love is true,
And when you fight together,
Anything can happen.
This much I know.
I fell in love with a boy who turned out to be my whole world.
I allow myself to give him everything.
He has my heart,
He has my soul,
He has my mind,
He has my everything.
This ‘boy’ is MY man.
