Do you remember the CB radio craze? Were you part of it? It was a big thing here in the US in the early to late 70's. Now it had been around for years but was used mostly by businesses for communication purposes.

Then someone discovered how much fun it was talking to strangers and before you could say Breaker Breaker it was off and running.

There were CB songs and it seems every movie and or cartoon story line of the day always managed to throw something in it that related to this fad. Just look at the first Smokey and The Bandit movies. What about the song Convoy?

It had its own language and rules and was the ultimate social network of its day. It was My Space, Boomer Place and Friends Burst all rolled into one. Instead of an avatar you had a handle, (what you called yourself) and this secrecy afforded you the opportunity of developing a new personality when on the air. I personally had an 8 track tape recording of Tocatta and Fuge in D Minor played on the pipe organ that I kept on when on the air. Every time I "keyed up" you heard scary organ music.

Like I said the government had controls on it as it was not meant for "hobby" use because it was the way some businesses communicated. There were no cellphones and radio telephones were wildly expensive and way beyond the reach of the blue collar workers and companies.

We risked offending the FCC (Federal Communication Commission) and incurring fines while we happily chatted anyway. They really didn't bother you unless you were vulgar or had enough power and set up a bootleg radio station and folks down the street had your voice coming from their TV or stereo system, and yes I personally knew a few that did.

Just as people that misrepresent themselves on line today with guys pretending to be girls and the butt ugly females having sexy and erotic avatars, it was done back then too. The fat and ugly ladies called themselves Lady Lust or Sexy Fox and the men were no better. Super Stud and Muscle Man were handles taken by pimply faced skinny boys or grossly overweight guys that could not lift more that a 12 ounce can of beer.

It was a good truck driving buddy of mine learned the hard lesson that the voice doesn't always match the face.

He had been chatting and flirting for about a month with a female who called herself "Wanderlust" and according to him she had a voice dripped with lust and wanting. So one Friday afternoon he decided it was time to meet her face to face. He let her know that he would be at a certain truck stop at around noon if she was agreeable and she was.

Now he never said he was in his truck as he wasn't totally stupid. He arrived early in his personal vehicle and parked some distance away all the while keeping in contact with Wanderlust on the radio.

According to him he saw a battered old Buick pull into the lot just as she announced that she had arrived and would be waiting inside the restaurant. What he saw next made him cringe, a 300 pound female in a mini-skirt, fishnet stockings and heels exited the vehicle.

She wore a bad blond wig and way too much make-up. Her blouse was about two sizes too tight and her spare tire could have been used by a semi truck. My buddy left in a discreet hurry so as not to attract attention with his squealing tires as he pulled out.

When she called him on the air about ten minutes past the agreed upon meeting time he informed her that his dispatcher sent him on another run. It cured him of ever trying to hook up with female on the air again.

Also like today there was a fair amount of drama and trouble starters. One in particular was a gent that called himself 'Doc Voodoo'. He had a big voice and bigger mouth and actually challenged 'Motorhead', one of my friends to meet him at a popular watering hole to "discuss" his problems. The Doc chose a local place that was always busy so he would be on home turf.

What Doc didn't know was that beside being radio buddies we all knew each other personally. A phone call was made and about a dozen of us showed up over the course of an hour before the meeting time and scattered ourselves about the bar.

Finally 'Doc Voodoo' arrived and announced he was looking for 'Motorhead'.

It turned out that the Doc was an old man. He was bald. skinny and barley five foot six and he couldn't have weighed more than a buck 20. Motorhead was well over six foot and weighed in at about two hundred and twenty five pounds of solid muscle.

We waited until they sat down and started talking and then one by one we walked over pulled up empty chairs and introduced ourselves. The Doc almost soiled himself. My little group were comprised of bikers, construction laborers, concrete men and steel workers. Doc Voodoo kept his moth shut after that.

It even happened to me. I became the subject of torment by some punk kid calling himself "Viking One'.

Short of using 4 letter words which would have brought the FCC to my door this punk kid got on my last nerve every night. Now on Fridays across the city many new CB clubs held gatherings at local restaurants.

There was usually an emcee or in many cases a club President. A microphone was set up and announcements were made and prizes raffled off. You didn't have to be a member to attend and they always had a packed room.

I had told this kid that if he had the nerve to meet me at the Fireside Restaurant on Friday and he agreed. I was relaxing over a post dinner drink when I heard over the PA that 'Viking One' wanted to meet 'The Count' at the corner table in the back of the room,

So I made my way back there .To my surprise there stood a kid of fourteen that barley reached my nose.


"Are you Viking One," I inquired.

"Yes."

"I am The Count."

The poor kid almost peed his pants as he was expecting someone his age and not some man in his early 20's.

His Dad stood up and looked puzzled. We shook hands and my only comment to Dad was to teach his Son not to get smart on air with an unseen face. I didn't want to be that kid when they got home.

Another time it was yours truly that was getting mildly aggressive with this stunning older female that was standing against the wall. It seems that one too many screwdrivers made me bold and she warned me very politely to back off or something bad might happen.

"What could you possibly do to me mortal woman?" I asked using by best Dracula voice.

In the blink of an eye she had grabbed my arm and slammed me into the wall she had been leaning on and held me in a hammerlock. She then produced a shiny police badge and flapped it in my face". 

"What I could do is cuff you and take your undead butt to jail," she responded sweetly.

She released me and we both laughed until we had tears and we became good friends after that.

Time passed and we joined a local club. I met her husband who was built like a gorilla but had a friendly demeanor and we made a lot of new friends. I even developed a routine that always got a laugh from those in attendance. I would slide in the booth seat next to her and kiss her hand and start my spiel.

"Ah fair Juliette, you are so beautiful, so charming and your husband is so big that I best depart before less he beats the chicken soup outta me."

I always managed to avoid his shovel sized hands.

Now participation in the CB craze was not embraced by everyone. Of all the married couples I met at least one of them hated it. So it was not uncommon that one would stay home while one attend the weekly festivities. Then it happened, gossip reared its ugly head in the club.

Just because two people that were married but not to each other were sitting across the same table talking didn't mean anything else was happening. The rumor mills however went into high gear and stories were carried back to the partners that stayed at home. They were told that their spouse was having a torrid affair with so and so This cause a lot of problem for those accused.

My friend Juliette and her husband Tiny wanted to ferret out these troublemakers. I received a call from him on Thursday night and was informed me that he wasn't going to attend on Friday .He wanted me to sit with Juliette and put on a show. I agreed to help.

So Friday arrives and after circling the room greeting my friends I took a seat next to Juliette in a corner booth.

She looked stunning as always in a silk blouse, mini-skirt and knee high boots.I then proceeded to start the ruse. I twisted in my seat keeping my back to the aisle. Now whenever someone would stop by to chat or sell a raffle ticket I would twist around wildly and look guilty.

I made a big show of placing my hands on the table while Juliette would downcast her eyes and not look at the person addressing me.

When they moved on I resumed my normal back to the crowd position. How we managed to keep a straight faces and not laugh was beyond us. As agreed upon she left at about 8:00 pm which was very early because it usually didn't break up until 9:00 pm.

I left at about 8:05 pm and I didn't stop to say good bye, I just hurried to the exit doors after her.

She then got in my car and we drove to a local Denny's restaurant where she called her husband. He stated that his phone started ringing about ten mins after I arrived. He then reminded us not to go back until about 9:10 pm that would give the others time to head outside. So we sat and chatted for an hour over coffee.

We returned about 9:15 pm and pulled in the lot and parked my car behind her car. She exited the passenger door and came around to the driver's window and leaned in so her head was invisible to those watching. All we were doing was counting. One one thousand. two one thousand, three one thousand before she pulled her head out and got in her car and I pulled out with her car following mine.

I called them about an hour later when I returned to Denny's. The stories that Tiny heard were that I was sitting next to his wife and had my hands up her skirt and she was enjoying it. One caller said that I had practically run out the door after her and she must have gotten in my car as hers was still there. When they came back they said we were seen kissing in the parking lot.

Tiny played his part well.

"Wait till I catch him next week," he threatened.

According to him it was not one person that was starting trouble but four of them, two couples that considered themselves better than the rest. Well next Friday rolled around and a few people were awaiting for Tiny to arrive just to see him beat the crap outta me.

"Where you at Dracula?" he bellowed.

I got outta my seat and stood up and waved my napkin.

"Yoo-Hoo, over here," I answered waving my hand.

He charged me like and angry rhino until he was almost right on top of me. He then grabbed me in a bear hug pinning both of my arms against the side of my body and lifted me off my feet and kissed me on both cheeks.

"How ya doin buddy?" he asked.

Then the three of us laughed out loud. The rumor mongers realized that they had been played and were not happy about it but kept their anger in check.

The rumors died off shortly after that night. I stayed a member until the year the FCC made it legal to use CB radio for hobby purposes in 1977. You could tell who got a new CB for Christmas by the amount of idiots on the air in January. I pulled the plug on my base station shortly after that.

I still have a CB in my car when traveling out of state I always have it on.