First week of December. The tree and decorations had been put up the day after Thanksgiving and now it was time for card sending.

Penny sits cross legged on the floor of her bedroom with the boxes of Christmas cards that she purchased last year the day after Christmas at about seventy five percent off. There are pens of different colored ink, stickers, and stamps. A lap desk she found at a garage sale offers her a firm writing surface.

She sips on a diet soda between signing, sealing and stamping the cards as she moves down the long list of names. Then she came to his name and her eyes tear for a moment. She runs her finger over the printed name and imagines that her fingers are caressing his cheek.

She reaches for one of the special cards she purchases every year for a select few on her list and wonders why she still sends him one. They always come back unopened with RETURN TO SENDER stamped on it. She takes a moment after signing it and pens a special heartfelt greeting in the inside of the front cover hoping that he might actually read it and respond in a fashion.

She addresses the card and then seals it and she stares at it for a moment and her inner voice reminds her that all that everything that had happened was all her doing. Suddenly and against her will her memory transports her a few years ago

She had met him while she was dating Sonny, he was a friend of his and so unlike him all the others of their group. His name was Ian, he was tall, dark and handsome with personality to spare and a gentleman to boot.

Unlike Sonny's other male friends he never hit on her. Oh he stared when she would show up in her mini-skirt and boots, but it was brief and she had no problem with that. When he once complimented her on how great she looked in a particular outfit she would wear it whenever they were going to see him.

She could sit and listen to him tell stories for hours on end. He had a voice as smooth as silk and he had been all over the country and had some great adventures to share. Soon they all became great friends. Once when she got stranded and needed a ride she called Sonny, but he was too busy and he suggested she call Ian. She did and he came and got her and took her home.

He accepted the invite in and met her parents. Mom liked him almost immediately as did her Dad.He even made her run to the corner to buy some beer as they were almost out. Then the four of them sat and talked for hours.

"That's the kind of guy I wish you would hook up with," her Dad commented to her after Ian had left.

It was about three months later that Sonny announced he was going to spend a year in Texas.He had a buddy working in the oil refinery business that could get him a job with a phone call. She told him he was crazy as he had a great job here.

During her phone call to Ian she told him of Sonny's newest hair-brained idea and then feelig brazen she poised a question that she had been wanting to ask.

"So when he leaves do you want to go out with me?"

"Yes I would."

Sonny left and she and Ian began to see each other on a regular basis. It was during their first real kiss that she realized that she really like Ian. All their friends all commented what a great couple they made, as they complimented each other.

Things were going along fine and then she met Blake, he was a friend of Ian's. He was tall, blond and slender with drop dead handsome looks.

During his time in college Blake had many of the same classes and professors as she had so there was a common ground for conversations. Little by little her interest in Ian subsided and she began to spend more and more time with Blake.

Her Mom and Dad disliked him as his charms and charisma were lost on them. Soon wedding plans were announced and she sought closure with Ian before moving on. He was not surprized as he knew something was up.

"Look, I know this guy and he will nail anything with a heartbeat," he told her.

"Oh really, and that's not jealousy speaking?"

"Yes, I am jealous, but I am telling you the truth.I give it four months."

"Screw you," she responded as she stormed away.

It was less than two months after they had married later she heard rumors that he was still screwing anything in a skirt. When confronted, he told her it was all BS and they went ahead on purchasing the house they looked at.

It took all her and his savings for the down payment but it was worth it as she now had a house of her own. He gave her a free hand with the decor and she couldn't be happier.

Then he was spotted by a longtime school chum as he was doing some bar trollop in the back of his van. This time the confrontation became physical and he smacked her across the face, she went to the police immediately and filed a report.

Soon a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) was in place. A long messy divorce followed and she had to have a police escort and his attorney present to the house to remove her belongings.

It seems that he had left her name off the mortgage and had no legal right to be there. Broke with no money she was forced to return home.

She lost track of the messages she left for Ian on his answering machine. Birthday and Christmas cards followed every year and she never heard a word back. Dani, one her co-workers that had been equally upset with her saw her sad face and asked the reason.

She told her and Dani had no words of comfort for her.

"It's all your own fault your know, you must have been blind not to see how much in love with you he was."

"Well gee, thanks a lot for that," Penny responded.

"Was Blake better looking?"

"No, not really."

"Better in bed?"

"A little."

"Well he should be with all the practice he got in."

"So why does he never return my calls or send cards?"

"I believe that the memory is still painful."

"What about all that to err is human to forgive divine crapola?"

"That's what it is, crapola."

She was once again on the floor of her parents house weeping again at the memories. Oh why didn't she listen to her friends and him? What was she trying to prove? Was she that vain? She had enough of beating herself up and went to bed where she cried herself to sleep, no surprise to her that she dreamed of him.

It was Saturday and she was so busy with the effort of finishing her cards that she missed the mailman and would now have to take her car to the drive up to the mailbox. She also realized that no one ever took the mail in yesterday and discovered a stack of Christmas cards for her and her parents waiting to be opened.

She flipped through them to separate hers from their's and her heart started to beat rapidly when she saw the return address label on one as it was from Ian.

She gingerly opened it so as not to tear the envelope. The quality of the envelope said it was not a cheap card and similar to the ones she had sent him over the years. Aside from the normal Christmas greetings there was a message penned on the inside the front cover.

Just a few handwritten lines that ended with ,"I miss you too."

Tears began to fall again, but this time they were tears of joy. Maybe, just maybe, this would be a Merry Christmas after all.