Laying on my board feeling the water move beneath me, my arms stretched out moving gently across the rippling surface with my chin on the board watching the reflections dance on the surface of the almost perfect glass surface.

Perfection...yes, now, but just a few minutes ago I was paddling hard, getting knocked around and fighting to get to this spot. Was it worth it? Lets think.... I prep to get my board ready, park my car and hike with board to get to this spot on beach ( 3 miles hike with my board and I'm not the biggest person in the world). I paddle like hell because the waves were rough--harder--faster--dive--emerge: there I'm in the waiting zone now.

Isn't this what I wanted, as I lay here listening to the waves waiting for the next perfect ride to come from the horizon and take me to the shore. SO much work. Do I ride one in or do I let the currents take me wherever they please, floating away? Go with the flow? I'm comfortable here, in my zone, drifting, looking, just existing. Do I need more, want more? Do I want to risk it all, ride a "killer" wave that I know will appear in any moment. I know this wave to come, I've had it before. It rocks your world and leaves you breathless and spent. Its thrilling, exciting, and scary; all wrapped up in one perfect little experience. I giggle as I think of the fun I've had, my heart begins to pound with anticipation. My breath gets ragged and short. Awww do I dare....The feelings are so sharp and vivid, I blink my eyes to clear...tears..or just ocean spray?

What do I do? My head says: you'll get hurt again by him, my gut says: you only live once so make it worth it, and my heart says: if he makes you happy take the ride. Waves are like people , no two are ever the same. They may look, sound and feel similar, but its not possible.

“ Jump now and take this ride or you'll never know” says my heart. If you don't try you'll never gain anything.

“ If you fall I will catch you” says the wave as I dip my arms in the water and paddle eagerly towards the catch. “It may be a rocky tumble at the end,” the wave says to me. “BUT I promise you pure bliss as you crest me and ride the pipe to the shore. The ending is up to you...bail, crash, ride or float to home... but enjoy me while you can, I don't last forever.”