Dear God,

It’s been a while since I went out. My children are all happily married and remarried now and well settled. My elder born is in The States doing his research work in molecular biology…or did he say molecular sciences? That is where he met his wife also doing her research on the same subject. Simple boy he was, nose deep in his books, always knew he had to make something worthwhile of his life. We are not rich people you see, just working middle class people, lived a life of moderation throughout so that our children could have good education…and well it's not that I am complaining or something, just that my children had a tough time growing up. Pawan, the fat boy in my son’s class, always got pastries in his Tiffin while my son just got to see them on his birthdays.

However I am not complaining, just that I feel sad sometimes that they had to go through all this. My daughter once was denied a role in the school play because she did not have a princess frock and at a short notice I couldn’t even borrow it from someone.

Anyway, my son, yes I could never think he would have a love marriage or even approach a girl and talk poems, funny it is you know if you see him you will understand. He is the type who sits in one corner in family get-togethers and nods his heads to what everybody has to say. He also gives his best shot at pretending to laugh at some of the loud jokes that some of my relatives crack, but I know he really does not enjoy them. Once after one such get-together when all had gone and his wife, sister, bother in law, me and him sat on the bed to talk some more, he laid his head in my lap and said, ‘Ma, I don’t like Harish uncle, he is very loud.’ Believe me at that moment he did not seem like a research scholar or whatever they call him but just like a little boy who categorizes everything between right and wrong, like and dislike. His wife and me both smiled at him and it ended there. Next time ‘Harish Uncle’ came home he spoke to him for a while and then excused himself.

Oh and his love story… here goes… he came home one day on one of those yearly visits from the States and said, "Ma, we engage ourself with our research work for such long hours that it's nearly very difficult for us to have any life of our own outside the lab. There is this constant pressure of always doing our best that constantly feeds on to our daily living. I have a TV in my room there but when do I watch it? By the time I reach home, I am nearly dead and on some of those days that I miss you like crazy and cook Indian food it gets very late and completely drains me of all my energy. I am dead then, Ma, and it is in moments like those that I want you to hug me, and run your fingers through my hair and sing me one of those old songs, one of your favorites from what was that movie?…ahhhh….yes… Navrang."

So then I told him to find a girl with the same routine. Someone who would understand his pressures and understand him, that was what was most important. And my boy did just that; found me the sweetest girl on the planet. The sweet tempered Nilanjana, who nods like him to everyone around her, always eager to please others like a little girl. She is the only child of her parents and brought up in great comfort but never did she show a hint of discomfort in our small apartment. After I met her parents I knew where all that good nature came from, from her parents of course, wonderful people. It's like I have forever known them.

And did I tell you about my daughter Daya? Daya means kindness in Hindi.

My husband liked that name. His grandmother’s name was Daya and she was very fond of him. When my daughter was born she had a mole in the left arm and when my husband saw that he said his grandmother too had one on the same hand and thus his belief that his granny came back as his daughter…and so the name Daya. My son was five when Daya was born. He too was very happy, he had always wanted a sister.

So from day one Daya was to be a brat and my husband and son took turns being a horse for her horserides in the community parks. If her brother kept quiet and avoided fights she was the one to instigate them. Quite a tomboy and wild at times, but like her name very kind. Very kind to animals, old people and children. Amazingly after spending most of her time away from the study table she excelled in studies.

At twenty-three she too found a nice boy for herself and moved to the States. Actually she went there before her brother. I remember my son staying with his sister and brother in law for the first couple on months, and he would call me to say Daya had mellowed down and behaved like an elder sister to him. "I am your Guru here in this country," she would laugh and say, "and you are my guru in India."

Unfortunately my son in law passed way in an accident after three years of their marriage. It was a really bad time for us. She came to stay with me for a while and I thought I lost my Daya at times too. She was always a very happy child and to see her wake up in the middle of the night and cry silently made me remember the days when I lost my husband. It was extremely unfortunate and upsetting for us all.

But as they say bad times don’t last forever. Daya remarried again this time to Derick, to a man who loved her so much that only the scars from the past remained - and as I always knew, my girl is brave, she moved on. Now they have two lovely daughters and I have nothing to complain about.

Life has been fair in all unfairness to me and today as I turn 60 I have a house full of grandchildren and a bag full of memories. I will give little pieces from it all to my beautiful grandchildren.

I am moving on too, it has been a tough decision for me, the decision to leave this house, where my children were born and where my husband died, but I have to move on because this time the request came from my grandchildren and they need me as much as I need them.

My bags are all packed today and the whole family is busy taking some last pictures for this defining moment in our life.

I have accepted and braved all that the universe has to offer. Thank you, God, for this life, I have lived it well and hope you will guide those in my prayers too.

Love,
Anima Chatterjee Banerjee