An elderly guy felt some passion
So he booked a callgirl for a session
when the lady came in
he tossed his clothes in the bin
and said: "When I'm done they'll be out of fashion"
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
There was a young bandwagoneer,
who thought "I'll slap a bad limerick 'ere!"
He typed his crap,
then posted the pap,
and everyone looked at him in fear.
Not in the mood to write a limerick,
Just the thought of it is making me sick,
So I'll just type some random crap,
Then go back to taking a nap,
And just get this thing over real quick.
I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...
There once was a gall in Dundee
Who was totally gorgeous to see
Yet she could get no man
Because all the guys ran
When they found out that she was a he
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
There was a guy from who knows where,
You know, I suspect he had no hair.
He came in with a gun
and shot folk for fun.
Worst thing? It was all on a dare.
I carry around so much junk
I'm not sure I have a big enough trunk
I know it's not fair
But I really don't care
I'm going to sit down right now and get drunk
There comes a time when you have to admit
That being the world's most miserabe git
Has very few attractions
Almost no real distractions
When there's no chance of bringing an end to it.
Methinx this path has come to an end
With all the dribble that has been penned
It's time for all to have a fresh start
To have more fun and play it smart
And treat each other like a friend.
"I would much rather eat my own poo"
The wallaby told the huge kangaroo
The kaola just laughed
The kookaburra acted daft
In Australia's unfriendliest zoo
(I have NO idea where this came from... I just have a strange mind!)
Go home you're drunk,
And locked in a trunk,
What to do
In the zoo.
Stuck in another funk.
If someone offers to bury the hatchet
The sensible thing to do is to match it
What's gone on before
Doesn't matter anymore
There's good feeling aound so let's catch it!
There once was a girl behind the mask
Who hid her dreams inside a cask
Afraid to open the lid
So she never did
But someone else would if she asked
I can't find the words to convey
Just how I'm feeling today
I'm not happy or sad
Displeased or glad
And that is all I have to say!
I wanted to write something gritty
Something hard-hitting, but witty
But I am out of luck
The words all got stuck
So now I'm overcome with self-pity!
Writers block has never been fun,
Forcing yourself never gets done
Then write something dark
Much worse then a bark
And have all your readers run.
What a writer needs is a muse
Someone they can frequently use
To keep writing lightly
And ever so rightly
Their talent even slightly abuse!
Twixt blunder and bluster, so I've heard,
A few consonants change the sense of a word,
Not a great deal, tis true,
And nothing to eschew,
Since both blunderer or blusterer are clearly absurd.
I am little bo peep,
Someone stole my sheep.
Along I hop,
I will not stop
Until I catch that creep.
With my crook in hand.
I traversed the land.
Traveling far.
Guided by star.
An adventure unplanned.
I chased the man down.
To a far away town
I faced my foe,
Not losing a bow
I turned my flock around
When day slowly turns into night
and the treetops are hit by the light
of the sun going down
I just look at my spawn
and I know that my world is alright
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
There is something magical about night
When all in the world seems just right
As you lay down your head
In your comfortable bed
And drift off to sleep in soft moonlight
