Departed
Loving mother and wife
Had been her whole life
Through all the good times
And through the strife
Yet the one constant
That kept her strong
Was teaching the difference
Between right and wrong
Her strongly held values
She imparted with love
To her three fabulous children
And belief in God above
In church every Sunday
They sang God's praises
Feeling His love warm them
And their spirits He raises
Good examples she set them
Through action and word
And watched as her children
Developed and prospered
Into adults much admired
By friends, family and peers
A lifetime of hard work
Continued through all her years
Weariness ached within her
Aged joints were swollen and sore
No longer could she attend church
No longer could she her god implore
To take her to heaven, end her long life
And reward her for doing her duty
As a loving mother and wife.
Eternity claimed her finally
Into her ninety fifth year
Soft condolences uttered
Never sounded so sincere.
The full-to-bursting church
Rang with the Lord's songs
And for her soul just departed,
At His side, where she belongs.
At his side, where she belongs
That other woman lies
And in her nightmares and her dreams
That other woman dies
More than a hundred different ways
With bullets, poison, knives
But in her nightmares and her dreams
She has a thousand lives
Yet when they meet she bows her head
Afraid to show the hate
That feeds her nightmares and her dreams
And leads her to her fate
Back in her room she grabs the vial
And takes a final breath
And ends her nightmares and her dreams
With drops of liquid death
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
With drops of liquid death
She'll finally meet her peace
Or at least she would have
Had you not summoned the police
Had you not summoned the police
We would not have to run
Or did you think I kept those pills
to sell,or just for fun?
I had to keep them, for a friend
who dealt with the wrong guys
And now he could not give them back
So he paid the final price
Now we're the next ones on their list
And options we have not
Except to try to run and hide
So darling, thanks a lot
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
So darling, thanks a lot.
For give me such misery in the first place.
Is it because I hate with such emotion, it is not.
It is because you play people like it is a race.
Your hate and anger towards yourself.
It begins to spread around toward us.
We tried to help you with itself.
But you discard us and say we make a fuss.
Fine, we say.
But don't come to us again.
You cast us away.
And we hate dirty games.
And we hate dirty games
They always end with someone hurt
And we hate calling names
Just like we hate throwing with dirt
But we love it when you're nice
That makes it great to be around
A little kindness is the price
To leave this place with new friends found
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
To leave this place with new friends found,
Would only make me glance around.
What really shoved me away.
Or dare I say.
What drove me out.
With more then a pout.
This is no fun anymore.
Daresay of this war.
Daresay of this war
It should not exist
Both sides went too far
With waving their fists
Not losing face
Has become their goal
What started the fight
Remembers no soul
But war's no solution
so I beg of you: please
Think of your children
Be the bringer of peace
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
A Poem for a Life
Be the bringer of peace
In all you say and do
Be an oasis of calm
When chaos surrounds you.
Try and do the right thing
And be upstanding always
Employ your moral compass
Throughout all your days
Be not the source of conflict
Nor of trouble nor of strife
Be above all pettiness
Live a clean and blameless life
Take wisely the counsel of elders
Show them courtesy and respect
Even if you disagree
Do not their words reject
Be aware of your social standing
And of what it means to you
Abide by scruples and values
That influence all you do
Be loyal, honest and trustworthy
Be dedicated, reliable, caring
Earn your pleasure from giving
And of generous sharing.
Above all be the person you are:
Unique and wonderful
Be proud of all you stand for
With head held high and walking tall!
With head held high and walking tall,
I'll cut a swath and kill you all,
guns and knives, they are my toys,
come, line up, girls and boys.
Oh, I'm not a bad man,
I'm just a bit nuts,
no ifs, no buts... hey!
Where's my coconuts?!
This is why I kill you all,
cutting a swath and watching you fall,
stop stealing my coconuts,
you bunch of freaking ugly butts!
You bunch of freaking ugly butts
I'll round you up and drive you nuts
With silly jokes and stupid gags
With some old dame that always nags
With classic music, way to loud
And rockstars that can only shout
Until you crack and need a shrink
I deserve commission, don't you think?
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
Commission
"I deserve commission, don't you think?"
he asked his boss, face turning pink
"I've worked twice as hard as anybody here
And helped deliver a bumper profit this year"
His boss looked at him with utter disdain,
Saying "not this goddamn subject again!
Like I've told you several times before
You are not going to get another penny more.
Your figures really don't impress me much
Cos you're only just about keeping touch
With the other members of the team.
Your figures aren't as impressive as they seem.
Now get your mind back on your work
And stop being such an annoying jerk.
If you don't like the rules, there's the door:
You don't have to work here anymore"
Humiliated and fearful of the sack
He served his next customer with yet another Big Mac...
He served his next customer with yet another Big Mac,
sighed, said "screw this", and got the sack,
he threw his boss in the deep fat fryer,
I heard it from the fat town crier.
That wasn't all:
He removed his eyeball,
played tennis with it,
then blew up a Blit.
His name was Bryan,
or was it Ryan?
I can't quite remember,
but he died in November.
I guess if there's a lesson,
it's not to quit,
even if your job is shit.
Even if your job is shit
Your really ought to hang on to it
The alternative isn't all that great
Sponging off the welfare state
Called a lazy git and a scrounger too
Is this what you want to happen to you?
So keep your mouth shut and just do your job
Even if your boss is an utter knob
Because, if he sacks you, your future's grim:
You're gonna turn into someone just like him!
You're gonna turn into someone just like him!
Distant and discreet.
A disheveled mess.
He never cared for anyone.
Quiet and alone.
Lonely by choice.
Lonely by choice
The gentle, quiet voice
Spoke to her like a lover
"Ease your pain softly
Free the spirit within you"
It said once again.
And she listened.
And she acted.
She lies still and cold
Upon her disordered bed
Her unseeing eyes gazing upwards
Towards heaven, perhaps?
The voice, though, is silent.
As silent as the grave...
As silent as the grave...
No longer anyone's slave.
Taken, not lost, but free.
Beneath the old oak tree.
She lays in wait with a grin.
Comfortable within her skin...
"No one knows when the final grain of sand will plummet through their own personal Hourglass." ~ CKAcres
"If you really want to make a difference, don't over think it, just do it..."
"Scars of life are deeply etched within the minds of curious old souls."
Comfortable within her skin
And the secret contained within
For Death - that final arbiter -
Had claimed others, but not truly her.
In the silver light of a swollen moon
The death that "took her far too soon"
Was, through malfeasance, thrust aside
To a wolf's howl she began to rise.
Brought to nether-life once more
She is a new recruit to the unholy war
That has been fought for millennia:
The Dark Lord will make good use of her...
The Dark Lord will make good use of her?
Is she a useful girl?
She will look into the trees
Finding the perfect squirrel
Cooking it up fresh
And serving it with a twirl....
Nouvelle Obscene
and serving it with a twirl
The chef produced nouvelle cuisine
A modernist concoction of foods
Rarely together seen
Oysters served on shredded asparagus
Pan-fried shrimp in butter sauce
Served with a side order of salad
And inevitable French-fries, of course.
Minced chicken hearts sautéed in butter
Wrapped in streaky bacon strips then poached
Before being placed artfully on pureed celeriac
With perfectly formed triangles of toast.
Almost raw steak and lamb meat dishes
Seeping blood all over the plate
And they tell us this is fine dining?
Not for me thanks, mate!
Birds of almost any description,
Often fried or poached
Sometimes they'll even put it in a oven
And serve it as a proper roast.
But why do they serve fish crispy?
Why do they obliterate the delicate flavour
By overcooking a dish that one is meant to
Linger over and savour?
Chefs who produce food that is little more
Than a work of art on a dinner plate
It might be clever and all that,
But as a meal it fails to satisfy or sate.
Give me good old proper food:
Pie and mash; luvverly fish 'n' chips
And leave all that poncy la-di-da crap
To pretentious snobs and annoying drips!
To pretentious snobs and annoying drips
Imagining yourselves superior
Instead, I'd say, the scale tips
Toward mere pain in the posterior
What makes you think you're better than us?
To what do you owe your ascension?
Frankly, your smugness leads us to thus:
You need an ego intervention
If, by chance, you find you're put off,
Miffed by such an impudent view
Though you may bluster, though you may scoff
This poem just might be about you
What are you going to do,
when you see the dreaded
"This post has been hidden as you have blocked this member."
There's nothing to do,
so just remember:
Keep it simple, you stupid ass,
Stand back and appreciate the green, green grass.
There's no point in getting flustered,
so calm the heck down, you silly old bustard.
So calm the heck down, you silly old bastard!
The dinner you made's a disaster.
The vegetables weren't peeled,
The meat's overcooked and congealed,
No wonder we greeted it with laughter.
No wonder we greeted it with laughter
We never were treated on anything dafter
Than you running round without even your pants
You know not to sit on a nest of red ants
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
You know not to sit on a nest of red ants,
With or without protective covering, such as pants.
don't trod on them either,
or descend in a glider,
Hoping to observe the
Antic red ants battling with spiders.
Antic red ants battling with spiders
While closely observed by some crazy outsiders
Who claim to do science, but actually are
A mad group of aliens from some distant star
Believing they've found the intelligent life
That's ruling our planet, so they watch the strife
Between spiders and ants, just to see who will win
So they know who to beat when they want to move in
----------------------------
They would if they could but they couldn't!
Their mama told it was a sin
So they were convinced that they shouldn't
Play doctor with sweet Marylinn
If life seems jolly rotten
there's something you've forgotten
and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
from Monty Python's "Life of Brian"
