The woman in my life had just left me.

She said I’m a loser and a perpetual drunk.

I don’t know if she was degrading me.

She’s ugly, but she sure had spunk.

I went to the bar feeling lonely.

My tail had no wag as I drank.

A woman just sat down beside me.

She asked me if she could be Frank.

I said, “Frank, you can be who you want to.

If you’d like I can buy you a drink.”

Well, she drank with me then and she told me,

That I was her cute missing link.

CHORUS

It’s our 10 th beer anniversary.

We’ve been drinking for an hour and a half.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the others.

When they looked at her they just laughed.

I said, “darling, you are a cutie.

I feel like I’ve known you for life,

But if you don’t start getting prettier,

I don’t think I can make you my wife.”

Well, we drank a few more as I stared.

Her uncombed hair wasn’t so bad.

After a few more beers,

She didn’t quite look like my dad.

She giggled and drank another beer.

I said, “Honey, you’re gorgeous and that ain’t a lie.”

The whole bar got quiet as she just looked at me.

I wasn’t sure if she used her good eye.

CHORUS

It’s our 25 th beer anniversary.

We’ve been drinking for two hours more.

If you’re planning on getting lucky.

You better get me, before I hit the floor.

I woke up the next morning with a headache.

I slowly opened one eye.

I saw the creature next to me,

As I shuttered and started to cry.

She had one droopy eye and a mouthful of tooth.

I don’t know what was wrong with her hair.

She got out of bed and was wearing my shorts.

I said, “girl, don’t you ever use Nair?”

Her smile was all crooked as she sat on the bed.

She said she got what she wanted last night.

I started feeling sick, as I left for my car.

Our future wasn’t looking so bright.

CHORUS

I had my 25 th beer anniversary,

With something from my nightmares.

If I want to go far,

I’m going back to that bar,

And I’ll celebrate it once again.