Hearing the sound of piano notes being played as if it were an overture or prelude, almost as if all had been choreographed or set to music like a set piece yet I know it to be a mind game, with confusion mingling with the sound of curses echoing from past lost opportunities mixed with regrets. As I stand here wondering if paradise is lost or just been blinded by rainbows and watching the wind? Feeling like I am on the dock and unable to say things clearly or explain and should I even try? And should I just marshal my forces for a possible counter-attack?

These aren’t the best of times now, but are the only times I seem to have now, and seeming to be caught neatly between those twins of sadness and madness lately, and seeing the remains of what was once a proud walled city with no flags of truce flying or pennants of pity. As I hear those siege guns being fired in the distance and the air is full of their fury and pounding, and recognizing those walls as those that I once helped build and knowing the mines laid outside are live, so I must step lively to avoid stepping on them.

Having the feeling that I am once again acting as a sentry or sentinel on picket duty, and trying to build a bridge to make my way to you and where you stand as the battle rages around, and after seeing things torn asunder by the shells fired by the guns and know that the foundation is strong. Which can be rebuilt with worn out tools once the bridge to you is built and crossed and we become one, and looking down and seeing the scars I carry that the dark light of the sun wouldn’t or couldn’t heal. Closing these tired eyes as I think of that ageless heart that in past times was given in vain to some. B ut, that’s life, and I know that when I gave it to you, it wasn’t one of those times.

Asked you once if you’d run and never look back once you saw I bled like all do? And would you lay down your life and gamble all on the one you truly love? Or have I simply lost my mind wishing all and battling my demons as well as yours? But there is one thing you must know down deep, and that is I will stand by you as I work to establish and hold that bridgehead once again in the midst of the shelling, just to stand by you until my final breath is drawn.

Though I don’t stand twelve feet tall as some seem to think, I have always come through and picked up the pieces of my life as I made my way. Having been a survivor through all thrown at me and still you ask why I continue on for you, as I am just a fallen angel trying to keep on keeping on as my heart won’t let me give in. Heading step by step through those carefully laid minefields under the shelling of those heavy guns, and making my way slowly passing those worn out places trying to get back to you.

Many times I wanted to hang my head and to drown all of the sorrows but can’t afford to. And being in a race to re-establish that bridge to you and have all grab us by the wrist to where we go, with all having been drawn from hard lessons learned and though at times nothing seemed worthwhile. It was later to prove part of the strength I carry with me to command an unforgiving minute to hold on, as you see the red in these tired eyes looking like jungle burning bright as I fight to be there.

Do you realize that happiness has always brought tears to your eyes? Though we both know life moves so fast and all changes in the blink of an eye, and holding onto treasured moments and good times is hard to do and have them last, as I wonder when I hear that false clock trying to distract me and think it’s ticking out my time, if I am part of a cure or am I the disease, making all so important to stand with you? Yet, nothing seems to compare as I work to rebuild all not allowing failure to be an option.

Fighting my way through this shattered landscape to that river of blindness, and having subtleties threaten to strangle me as I dodge the shells and sidestep bullets. Praying for the darkness to turn to light ending the shelling by either side and no final blow falls. And seeing the end of that long road and won’t to be held back or stopped as I follow this ageless heart. And drawing on that inner steel and that faith that I carry leading me through all the darkness, and refusing to be told by both the church and state what to believe and follow what I know is true. With my gift to you being my song and it might not be much and quite simple, but it’s all I have to give, as I brave and face the fury of shot and shell to give it to you and rebuild all we once had and will have.

Though you might not seem you’re worth it and tell me you have to go, but after having seen your hair fly in the breeze and laugh as you ran wild and free in the sun’s dark light. And there are a few things you should know and should I fall trying to get to you I won’t be leaving you, and someday soon you will be standing there with me, and the flames haven’t died as I risk all. And trying to make my way back to you for it was meant to be and you know it’s true in your soul.

Copyright February 2007: Timberwolf International LTD.