Once again not needing anyone crying if they find the story sad, as I once again make my way through all of those tired and worn out places. Moving against the tide of the evening’s faces which go by both unrecognized and un-registered, and taking all in play by play, and trying not to be held back by a sense of mission yet I wish I were elsewhere, with that psychological feeling being powerful, very powerful and can overwhelm if I’m not careful. Knowing too, that only theory is perfect unlike me and all is a process that’s always evolving, and the process being always a lot stronger than we all bargained for. As I weave around and through those dangers and obstacles placed in my way, watching that strange arrival as I feel those shadows falling on me now, and it’s the one been looking for.

I find myself feeling at times like I have been struck by sound hard enough to try and drive the choices from my head. Passing those who emerge out onto this October street and seeing the one all hinges on looking fresh, almost like a new creation of sorts stepping out from twin heavy bronze doors as stirred up emotion comes forth, feeling as awareness also comes forth as I pass some like a blur.

Seeing some, I pass looking like scribbled after thoughts and looking in some cases as if they had been abraded by both the rough concrete and misfortune suffered. But, by chance I might have become like those I pass heading after the one up ahead that I have seen, as I find myself observing all in the moment as I follow as if I am on a mission here in the fading dusk. And now feeling a slight chill as the temperature drops as the winter dark approaches.

Hearing something I call or label as “mariachi static”, as I continue onward feeling like darkness within darkness as directed by the Tao *, with all being exactly what, where, and when it is meant to be in this exact moment in time, with a reminder of a truth echoing: That every battle fought will one day become obscure, and that only the moment matters and is the absolute matter at hand. With things being done because at times, they fit the moment or form the planned alignment. With the only thing(s) that never change is the truth and one must deal with it.

As I see her again appearing from the shadows again still looking like a fresh creation, as I hear myself asking those I pass not to stand as I’m only passing through should I stop where I stand. Now seeing her look back as I pause to turn my collar up to the cold and damp air and forming mist. And the look she gives off from those sapphire eyes has the force to punch through all like paper, which causes me to look to where I carry those deep scars that the sun’s dark light wouldn’t heal. With all seeming to be brailed out to me against backgrounds of unknowns.

The handles of a craftsman’s tools speak of absolute simplicity, and afford the greatest range of possibilities for the hands of the user while knowing those tools are over designed make all too specific and guarantees if not failure a loss of grace. As I find myself feeling to be like a craftsman’s tool as I continue onward with this quest or mission, and exploring all the angles and possibilities and taking account all the outcomes. Feeling too, as though working against time and it’s ravages and knowing it’s to no avail, And it will have it’s dues paid as days grow more demanding, formidable and finally painfully brief.

But as all these thoughts pass through me I know I must continue onward with this quest I am on, even if I seem to be reaching out I know all will slip away, and I can’t allow emotion to rule me. For it will surely make me fail as I pursue that fresh looking vision as I see copper highlights flash, from that toffee coloured hair in the occasional streetlight.

Challenging the what the future might hold and the Tao itself, as I try and solve this puzzle while closing the distance as I am occasionally pinned by those eyes. Fears being released as though a rubber band has broken with gravity being voided and like in freefall. And now seeing and sensing light changing as I open my fist to take what things I might have missed while opening my heart as well to be able to accept that hardest part that’s been avoided.As time seems to slow to a crawl and seems to stand still at this moment.

With recognition crossing her face and locking onto green eyes that are colder than the moon at times, I am the one who was so easy to ignore and always walked on a thin line making my way down the line. And at times looking as though bowed in defeat as I made my way and always hoped for a friend in the end though I might have seemed slow, blind, and deaf I always knew I’d be with you one day.

These are the times I need a friend, and no one else will do as the Tao has dictated, and I might as well be in pilgrim’s robes for this quest that seems to have crossed time and space. And a million tears have been shed, and a million breaths have been taken in this search or mission. All being done just for a singular touch of grace in the midst of those roaring waterfalls of pity flowing by, and though it seemed to be a fool’s errand and really no sense in trying and sidestepping words like bullets.

I may not win, but my heart won’t let me give in so I will go on anyway, as eyes collide and pointed threats are blunted by looks of scorn and remarks are torn away, and not fearing anything anymore as I seem to be dancing through a firefight in my attempt to reach her. Dodging those traps set by those self-proclaimed saints that are quick to judge and their rules, they attempt to make for both the fools and the wise men and being something they invest in. So I will reach out and take what I missed with my outstretched hand and make my way down the line.

* Tao: Pronounced Dou and is the virtue of which all things happen or exist and rational basis of human activity and conduct (Webster’s Universal Dictionary).

Copyright November / December 2007: Timberwolf International LTD.