A man I knew of quite strange mind
would rob the disabled and blind
but then give to the very sick and needy.

People thinking he was mad
would ask “How can you do so bad?”
He’d say ”It’s easy they can’t chase or see me.”

And he’d go on with some disdain
to justify and thus explain
how all his actions were in fact quite good.

His victims in the handicapped niche
were in fact extremely rich
making him a modern Robin Hood!

So one night I decided
(though I now know quite misguided)
that maybe he was actually right.

Perhaps there was good reason
why in every Christmas season
he would steal from those without limbs or good sight.

That night just a little high
I decided I would try
to see if I could emulate the fellow.

I hit the streets on Christmas Eve
and sneaked up on a chap named Steve
known to be quite rich (though not too mellow).

A skillful athlete long before
he was a hero in the war
confined now in a metal wheelchair.

He liked to wander in the dark
and smoke a bit while in the park.
I knew that I would find him sitting there.

I stooped and tapped him on his shoulder
he looked up and I got bolder.
I said, “Give me your money and your stash.”

But I explained after he did
I would take each and every quid
and give the sick and needy all the cash.

He swung around, gave two war cries
grabbed both my knees and chomped my thighs!
He wheeled off as I just stood there groaning.

As blood dripped down to both my feet
trying to remain discreet
I limped off all the while my fate bemoaning.

I finally made it to my flat.
I cleansed my wounds and then I sat
looking at the teeth marks near my groin.

I knew I had made quite an error
by accosting Steve out there
and trying to find money to purloin.

The moral of this tale of woe
is that if you decide to go
and be a Christmas Robin Hood yourself

Make sure when you get back at night
that sitting there out in plain sight
is a good first aid kit on your shelf!

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