she took

herself

away

too soon

at sixteen

could’ve given

a single try

to what she was

but it wasn’t her call

a tattoo of a finger

around her face

i must’ve looked for her

five times, maybe more

she said

she wanted everyone

to see

her middle finger

she didn’t care

she cared so little

that she didn’t care

to stay alive

ended always

with a trumpet

in the skies

the hats I wore

when I was sixteen

the backpacks

like rabbit ears

eating rabidly

hating one another

if I had the chance

of something more

not what you all say

not a kiss

not a hug

but a slice

of pizza

on the curb

talking

staring at

the passing buses

entering

tunnels

of thoughts

and memories

running

for the color

we were missing

on those grey skies

and bumpy drives

oh

how you mocked them

all

because

just like me

they were all

better than you and I

because we’re

born poisoned

collect our feet

from step to step

you’ll find bruises

and no smiles

flashes, perhaps

flashes of withheld tears

i don’t care

we’re all azure

i still see

you running

through the puddles

avoiding

the missing step

you had another you

with you

someone to get you

more than I ever did

is it still

living

when the curbs

don’t see me

anymore?

how did you do it?

i’m scared

i’m a certifiable

coward

the desire

yes

i feel it

i’m kinda jealous

you found your way

you stopped believing

in your own skin

that we’re all ok

and that we’d all

be ok

i could’ve begged you

to stay

to hear my words

and find out

what’s missing

but i’m fooling myself

in beauty

did they

place it there

to entertain us

while we fall

and get shredded

and tossed

around?

we won’t be

no guns

all it takes

is a leap

were you even

thinking of me?

that this was gonna be

a message

from the other side

asking me to join

eyes closed

in the darkest sheds

of no suns

and moons

made of cotton ribbons

i see a dark

lonely door

awaiting for a hug

that’s you

right?

it has to be you

i thought

i had to figure out

the things

i wouldn’t be able

to do

without

you

and balance

my board

out

but I don’t

i just needed your push

because balance

hell

won’t find any

this world’s currency

is happiness

and each other

and I have too much

of none of the two

tend that hand

with you baggy

jeans jacket

i ponder

in miscommunication

fuck us

and all of our feelings

we’ve failed ourselves

but we’ve failed

each other most than

anything

all the people

i’ve lost

were

mine to save

if we’ve built

these bridges

these crosses

these relationships

we must

love them

and survive

like poetry

left in the streets

in the arms of a singer

who’s listening to the world

but the world

isn’t listening to

help us, friends

i’m trying to move on

to forever

but this eternity

has failed

every single hit

missed all the punches

at this point

i’m lip syncing

to a song

that wasn’t written for me

awkward

brought on stage

with a band that doesn’t belong

they’re not playing my song

but it’s because

the world doesn’t want to

hear it

the world

will spin

and you’ll still

be gone

swing after swing

and while I believe

i’m truly here

it truly feels

like we’re not