Sometimes...
I kind of wonder.
I wonder what he's thinking
when he looks at us,
and knows that his own
mother
will live longer than he.

Sometimes...
It kind of just hits.
It hits that he has
possibly only a year
and then he's gone too,
then I lose him too,
and I start to shake and
I just can't stop
and I hate it because when
that happens...

I can't cry,
It's like it hurts too much
and tears won't do any good.

And at those moments
or those certain days,
I wish I could cry,
maybe then I could let go
of some of the pain
some of the loss
some of the agony
of losing him.

Sometimes...
I wish.

Sometimes I wish I could just...
fast forward, so I wouldn't have to
feel this anymore,
but I know if I tried to do that,
I hurt all that much more.