I dream dreams most would consider nightmares
With war and gore
But they’re actually just a recap of what happened
The day before
I used to sleep with a peace that can only be achieved by a child
Who can’t see the world and its inevitable tragedies
But now I’m just kept awake by a fiend inside of me
She’s like the pied piper if you ask me
Luring the children out of safety with a promising melody
She’s a siren that tells me I deserve to bleed and that gashes are a beautiful thing
She sings
No
She SHRIEKS
That a blade will make people care
It’s not fair, I’m left crying
And gasping for air
It’s like Maya isn’t even there
People aren’t caring they’re just staring
YOU MONSTROUS BITCH
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BODY AND PSYCHE?
She simply laughs.
You know you need me
You’re fat worthless ugly
I sigh and crawl back to her side
I can’t escape until I commit suicide
Even if I was finally free and she departed from me (hypothetically)
I’ll have my memories
Plaguing my future with future shame
How do I explain this to my son, my boss, my acquaintances?
That I did this everyday
I would write “Woe, is me” poems and sonnets
While crimson would stain the paper as I wrote upon it
I was so fond of it
That my entire body would become an elegy
Why am I referring to this war in past tense
As if this impervious fence has been lifted?
How must I refer to this insane echoing in my brain? Does she have a name?
I look in the mirror and I call her self hatred
I look to those of a psychiatric profession
They call her depression
They prescribe medication and try to kill her
And strangely I miss her
It's like a syndrome where a hostage
Falls in love with their captor
I miss Ms. Depression
I want her.
