I have felt so alone, pain you would never know
Pain that remains inside you, pain that will never go
I have felt this pain. This pain is part of me
But this part I have never let anybody see.

I am a soldier in a foreign land
Going up against my enemy, hand to hand
Fighting for a cause irrelevant and dead
War and hatred when I want peace instead.

But I stay. I do not move from my place
And nobody sees the agony on my face
I remain here, delving into madness bit by bit
But I keep quiet. Nobody must hear – I forbid it.

The guns stay loaded and the swords at the ready
Soldiers’ hands shake when they should be steady
My twilight hell keeps me here
In an alien world full of fear.

I am stronger than steel, but weaker than sand
I am stabbed from all sides by an unknown hand
Nobody sees the blood from my hurt
It’s another trickle into searing dirt.

Finally, I am beaten and down I fall
The enemy rises up a mighty call
“Down with the man,” cries the king
And all of them begin to sing.

I give in. I am weak; I am frail
In my only quest I have failed
I no longer possess the will to live
So they’ve won. I’ve given everything that’s left to give.

I tighten the rope around my neck
I know suicide is a crime, but I’m willing to go to heck
Anything to end this torture, this ungodly pain
Outside my window I see drops of rain.

The cold afternoon suits my mood
The rope noose I’ve made is very crude
But the purpose it will serve is not one of elegance nor life
I’ve finally found a way to end this strife.

I am no longer a soldier. I am the blood of his fear
I am the sadness that a man carries after he’s lost someone dear
And I leap from my place in this melancholy Earth
I know that when I die, there will also be a happiness – a birth.

I leave behind my pain and sorrow
I know that I’ll never see tomorrow
I die today because I’ve never really been alive
I cannot escape from this torture. I will not survive.

Good-bye.

12-25-12.