As I sit at the table and drink the hot coffee

My lips feel the burn

The heat going down my throat

Brings tears to my eyes

I let the tears flow freely

Smiling

I seem to feel the heat going throughout my body

Into my soul

My mind is screaming

But no sounds are heard

My heart is pounding

But no one knows

The power of hurt that is within

Shaking and looking around

I say if someone is watching and listening to me

Ohhhh the coffee is so hot

It burns my lips

But as I say the words I grin

Knowing how welcome the hurt was

How the feelings washed over me and took hold

Feelings

Yes someday I will have to come face to face

But not today

Enough has been free for the day to begin

As I throw the coffee away

I am able to smile and begin the day

Knowing I can still feel

With the mask in place and the feelings set aside

I start another day

Without feelings

Too proud to ask for help

Too scared to let go

One day at a time

Until there is no more 

Until I am 

No more