I dont miss waiting in parking lots for 40 minutes
watching the people go out and in and wondering
if any of them see you,
see what you're doing
and what you're going to do

I don't miss the ever-decreasing weight of my wallet;
The way everything always seemed to be off center and inbalanced
Where my split personality would come out amongst family and friends
Which one is he tonight, Dr Jekel or Mr. Hyde again?
Well, it all depends
on whether or not I got my fix
and everything went according to plan

I dont miss the feeling I used to get
where I would shake and shake like a train track
while I waited on streets and in parks to spend my entire goddamn paycheck
looking in my room for things to sell, this and this/that and that
brother's birthday, I'll get him a 5 dollar used DVD pack
and well call it all even
It's all even

I dont miss the "you're 20 years old and 115 pound" comments
the way I'd feel belittled and I'd have more insecurities than I began with
where I would throw and spew up vomit
on those I loved....until they took it and threw it
said 'I dont want to deal with it
that's it, there's no more with this'

just let the kid deflate until he evaporates (repeat)

I dont miss waking up every morning nasueas
where the taste of toothpaste would make me gag and spit
and I could count all my friends as they slowly split
up into groups of "I dont care anymore"
and "you're a piece of shit"
until the only thing left to hold is the habit

Look at me, I'm so pale I almost don't exist
I dont miss feeling that that was just the way I used to like it

I miss the feeling I used to get
Initially, when it first kicks in
that rush of chemicals to the bloodstream
as you drift slowly away from caring about anything

I miss that feeling of un-relenting confidence
at least when it was in the system
and I'd play an instrument and pretend
no one was in the room when there's actually 25 of them

That's what I miss
the scales a little inbalanced

So I'll take what I have and make those my habits
and I'm okay with that

I'm okay with things