Thoughts fly through my head,  
a million plus one 
because a million simply won't do. 

Pain, and heartache 
the mistakes I made yesterday 
a year ago, and the year before that.  

Emotions become jumbled 
is it real, or is it my brain 
Is it playing tricks on me again. 

I react, but is my reaction true 
because I fear that what I think just happened 
didn't really 

Love and hate 
a jumbled fucking mess 
are these really my thoughts? 

I never know the truth 
because every day, 
I doubt, myself. 

My body has taught me, 
never to trust 
what I think is true. 

Today may be good, 
but wait, there is a cloud 
A song, it just played 

And now today is bad 
those clouds that rolled across the sky 
they move across my mind 

Inking out the good 
leaving only my desperation 
my pain. 

It gets better, or so I am told 
Just get over it, they say 
don’t you think,  
If I could, I would. 

Just when I think I have 
my body reminds me 
clenching in fear 

My body poised to run, 
I flinch at the touch of a hand 
upon my arm 

Tears run down my face 
forming rivers, 
that should erase the pain 

If only that were true, 
if only it were possible 
to 
just get over it. 

Pill after pill 
I try to accomplish 
Where others have succeeded 

Their anxiety gone, 
and just when I think, 
today is the day. 

My body reminds me 
I can't breathe 
I need to flee 

Once again, 
I must realize, 
today is not the day. 

I remember the day I did this 
or maybe it was that 
it doesn't really matter 

Just matters that I did. 
And my brain, my body 
won't ever let me forget.