You have no idea what it was like, every time I mention your name and who you were in regards to me, the response was a shocked expression, "you have a sister?" It's the same one every time, and that sad part is, it's from people who known me for years. I mention my brothers no one blinks an eye they know them, but you were like our family secret.

But it was more like our shame.

I hated you, and I had every right to, you left me behind for the most selfish reason. You couldn't suck up your pride for one Goddamn minute and see the damage you would cause. Mom still hasn't forgiven herself, I barely forgive you, I don't know about the boys but, I am sure they felt this way before as well.

You chose to live with Dad, okay yeah sure. He left you in Sheppard Pratt, he wasn't coming back for you. Mom did, and you ran away. But you didn't run away from her, you ran away from your family, you ran away from the truth, and you ran away from yourself.

You ran, and you never stopped. You chose to live with our neighbors over us, over me! Do you know the pain and embarrassment that you would have to ask your friends at school to see how your own sister was doing? If she was healthy, if she even missed you. I wondered if you ever did. I missed you a lot those years growing up.

My friends who have sisters, younger or older, I see them and the way they interact. Why didn't I deserve that too? What did I do to deserve you to leave and never come back? I loved you, and now I bring you up and am reminded of everything I missed out on. I may as well as not have a sister, no one knows you existed in my family! My closest friends have no clue who you are. Hell! I don't even know who you are. You don't know me either. You never gave me the chance, you were gone before I knew what had happened. You vanished from my life before I could even protest.

I keep referring you as my sister, but you never were, and I fear in my future you still never will be.