The main reason for coming to like you again was for self-inflicting pain.

Our friendship was reconciled, and immediately afterwards I was engulfed in a sea of guilt. And yeah of course, a shit ton of time passed on and you had dated two other people.

Moving on is a thing, I get that.

That's all fine and dandy.

But pain was shot at you for no correct reason at a point in time that could not be reversed. You had done nothing wrong, and I'd been unfair. Selfish.

Completely selfish.

I was uncomfortable, and decided to be irrational.

And from my perspective, it hurt you. I have no clue as to how much. I don't know what you went through. I didn't talk to you afterwards, but you certainly didn't seem okay with it all.

But that's why I came to like you again. To try and replicate some sort of pain back upon myself, hoping it would somehow equal out. Because I knew from the start that you liking me back would not be an option. But my friends convinced me otherwise.

Males in general don't show too much sadness from the outside. And you specifically are hard to read. I don't know what you're thinking, quite frankly ever. I don't know if you feel emotions just like any other stupid human, or if you push them away and choose not to feel them. I have no idea.

But I hurt you, and therefore, I must hurt myself. 'Twas stupid, of course.

I am a people pleaser. Or at least I try to be. I want to be selfless. My thoughts contradict me. I'm screwed up in the head, and put forth too much thought into pointless emotional shit like this.

But it bugs me, so I express. At least in typed out words rather than verbally.

I like you because you're unique. But unique is not a compliment.

Nor is being just like everyone else.

Obviously everyone finds the person they like "out of the ordinary." So maybe my view is skewed because I'm a hormonal teenage girl. Who knows.

But you're strange. Very odd. Congratulations.

I could give less a damn about looks. I don't understand why it's drilled into everyone's heads that attractiveness is a priority. Why do people even care? Why should it matter?

But maybe I'm just fucked up. That's the most likely explanation.

I like you because you're sarcastic.

You're funny.

You're interesting.

Your eyes escape beauty's definition.

You're fun to talk to. I don't know why, you just are. I feel comfortable around you.

There's not much else to say, really. I'm attracted to you for God knows why, and this is the best explanation I can put to it. That's at least what I've grasped from analyzing my confusing idiocy. Yay for feelings.