I'm sitting here in Southwest Florida, mere feet from the Gulf of Mexico. I live here. I've lived here for 30 years and have never been this scared.

There is a storm coming. A huge storm. Hurricane Irma. She is 400 miles of catastrophic wind and will bring storm surges over 12 feet high. I feel like I am waiting to die. We all are. My family. My love. My life. Waiting. 

Why don't I head north? I'll never make it to safety before Irma comes. The highways are packed and barely moving. My town ran out of gas yesterday. Would you believe the Walmart closed before noon today? Walmart doesn't close. Ever. So this is obviously serious. 

I had to go to work this morning to finish securing the property. An hour after I got on island, they called a mandatory evacuation. The island is 5 miles away and is now mostly vacant. I'm sorry, I will trail off and lose my train of thought trying to write this. If you've taken the time to read it, thank you and extra apologies for me letting my messy mind just run into this. 

Twelve foot storm surges are expected. TWELVE feet?!? We already have a foot of standing water left from Hurricane Henry when he passed us on his way to ripping Texas apart. We really can't survive a twelve foot storm surge.

Did I say we can't survive?!?! I did. It's the truth. If Irma causes those surges, I have a very slim chance of surviving. My kids...I can't handle this. I don't know what to do. Just sitting here, waiting to die. Trying so hard to not freak in front of my children. See, tomorrow morning, I have to say goodbye to them. They will be with their father during the storm. I will also be saying goodbye to my father, my mother, my sister...what if I never see them again? What if there are no more what ifs? 

So I am just sitting here waiting for Irma. Irma is a big fat bitch! There is nothing I can do. I'm as prepared as I can be. I might start drinking as soon as I get home tomorrow. I don't drink but, hey, I don't usually spend my days waiting to die either. 
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The children are gone. The condo and is quiet. The storm has shifted. They eye is now expected to make landfall here. Right here. I'm calm. I'm ready.