Standing here in the courtyard and leaning against the wall wondering why I have been directed to be here at this moment, and instead I know I should be heading out and keep on keeping on down the line. I know that there is one out there who will haunt me along with those secret souvenirs shared, and those are some of the thoughts that keep me warm at night along with the symmetry and shadows that make up the picture I carry of them with and inside of me. Which has me recalling that a fortune teller once said I would be free, and there was still the feeling of doubt when I heard them say that or was it something said by those fools who try to make the rules for the scholars and sages? As I close my eyes and think of the far horizon and where I should be and heading towards the dark red light of the setting sun and never asking why though it might seem like a dream sometimes.
With my eyes still closed I can feel the warm winds blowing along with the heat under hard blue skies that can only be found in the West Texas desert plains. Feeling those warm winds on my shoulder is a touch that reminds me I am from a land that is a lot older, and songs are buried in the dirt there in the homeland I know. I am not giving up and I am able to see and know where I need to be, and I occasionally ask God to intercede. Still, I will stand my ground when called out to be where I need to be, though I might be a catalyst for change like Dylan’s Jack of Hearts and changing things when I appear and has me wondering at times if I have come too far to turn things around. With there still being days when nothing seems to come or go my way, and some of it is a long time coming with the best thing I can do is pray when Murphy’s Law strikes.
So, let’s hear a song about those old dusty plains as I continue to make my way down the line and knowing if I have a friend on whom I can rely on makes all things alright and I can then say that I am doing fine. To better by far than those fakers and takers who try to push their ideas on all the unknowing or what they sometimes call the great unwashed masses. I can name where I have been and been there and back again and am learning to live with the memories, still darkness threatens to fall like those waves that wash up on the shore. Recalling those I once loved and knowing they will be washed away in time like tears in the rain, with just one whom I know still creeps into my dreams and keeps my bones from wandering in the night. Even those nights when I sit and play with a losing hand as I try to cash in my bad luck and sometimes I sit and wonder what I am and stand for at times.
Wondering if I am simply waiting for the right time as I don’t know how to feel as I walk away heading down the line and wondering who will walk with me as I continue on? Once or twice I have considered giving this quest up and still I continue on looking for all the answers that have been sought through the years as I continue to where the Tao directs each moment to have all flow freely, with there being times when the direction it gives can feel like receiving dancing lessons from God. But, there are also those times when I have felt like those fallen angels wrapped in fire, as deep thunder rolled from around their shoulders as they fell. As I wonder if some are right about life being a dream that moves at dizzying speed and flies by like a bullet train? Or is it merely a joke to them as well as their pantomime with all of us being merely vessels to hold memories? Memories like the “good old days”, which now just flicker on the screen like old silent movies lost in time. Yet we all know that the devil lives in the details and grins when he sees the hand he’s dealt us from the bottom of the deck.
Still there are times when I have been asked if I know where I am going to, and have I liked what life has shown me so far? Or if I am just out here on a fool’s quest and if I have allowed things to slip through my hands, or will I like what I am hoping to find when I get there? Still there are times it seems that there is so much more to say as I open my fist and attempt to take those things I have missed, and weave around the dangers and obstacles placed in my way as I stop where I stand to open my heart and finally accept the hardest part. To be there or here with my reasons for it all as I see those strange arrivals from a thousand miles away, and to stand tall like I did when concepts collided one night.
Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. March 2017 – 19
