As I spoke about in The Ways of Religion and Belief, I did not keep many friends in my transition between elementary school and middle school. In this one, you will learn of that part of my life, and how it shapes me today.

I was quite a bit more shy when I was younger, and even just a couple years ago. Since then... I've attempted to come out of the shell a bit, and I have... a little. Anyway, I had one dear friend in first grade that I made, he helped me through a lot even though I never actually knew the small things... but I knew the big things. Back then, I knew that his parents were divorced, and I knew he had one cow at his father's farm/ranch thing that he absolutely adored, it made me laugh quite a bit then. I knew that he wouldn't abandon me, I trusted him. He helped me with my height fear... I still fear heights, though not as bad as I did, because he helped me with it. He held my hand and made me feel safe, kept talking until I felt comfortable and then he let me do it alone- like climbing on the "Big Toy" at recess- there were parts I wouldn't do before I met him.

But those are old things. As the years wore on, it was mostly just his company... he comforted me just by being there. In fourth grade, a certain painful event happened. By that point, we were not together as much, and I had a killer crush (totally not joking) on him. He was my first crush. In fifth grade, we grew even farther apart. I don't think he realized how much it hurt me- this slow separation. I did a lot of watching and waiting, thinking he'd remember me sometime and we'd go back to some chatting. It didn't happen.

Then the transition between elementary and middle school, I quit Girl Scouts for fear I wouldn't have time because of homework (how very wrong I was), and I got to school... we had some small talk times, but that was basically it. I was happy with it though, because he at least hadn't forgotten about me. (How naive, how naive). This was the year I started to write. Other than that, it wasn't all that eventful.

Seventh grade, that next year, however, was quite eventful. I made a new friend, she had my buddy in her class, so I asked her to say hi to him for me, in case he was just too immersed in school to do much else. She came back to lunch the next day to say he didn't remember me. Now, I got mad instead of upset, because like I don't currently, I didn't cry in front of anyone then either. So I stormed off and swallowed hard and at first did not believe her, that couldn't be CW speaking, but it was, because I heard him as I stood behind him.

Apparently, some time later, she pointed me out to him. He called me uglier than his cow.

He denied saying that two years ago, when I asked.

I don't know who to believe.

This leads to the next one: The Ways of Depression and Self-Image.