I walk into the store.
It looks exactly the same. But it feels different.
I usually get a fun feeling when I walk in here. I always head right over to the clothes, excited about finding a good deal. Something I like.
This store is known for its great deals. They have designer clothes sometimes, for 85% off the original price. That's better than a garage sale or the Salvation Army, because these clothes are new!
If I'm with my friend, we'll giggle a lot; making fun of clothes we think are really ugly.
I will feel happy and light-hearted. Full of self confidence.
But I don't feel any of those things now. Especially full of self confidence.
Instead, I feel insecure. Anxious. Not happy and giggly, but more serious. Off my game.
And to top it all off, I'm worried about how I look.
Maybe I shouldn't have worn these two clips in my hair. Maybe people think they look dumb.
My dress seems wrong. Too young. Too casual.
My shoes are a little dirty.
I look around at the people working here. Today, I am seeing them in a whole new way. That older woman behind the cash register in the woman's department looks nice. Sort of motherly. I bet she would be okay to work with.
The two younger,overweight girls behind the jewelry counter seem obnoxious. They're laughing loudly about something. I swear they're looking at me.
Are they laughing at me?
Maybe they're laughing at the clips in my hair. I bet they would be snotty to work with.
I walk over to the sales racks, to stall for time. Suddenly, I've lost my nerve.
Why couldn't I have been born rich? Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting a dumb job. I could have that fun feeling back, instead of this anxious one. Then I wouldn't have to care what people think. I could be above all that.
I hunt through the summer clothes, which are now 70% off.
That's a cute top, I think. But my heart isn't in it. That's because I know what I have to do.
I might as well just get it over with.
I take a deep breath.
Then I head over to the employment office to pick up a job application.
It looks exactly the same. But it feels different.
I usually get a fun feeling when I walk in here. I always head right over to the clothes, excited about finding a good deal. Something I like.
This store is known for its great deals. They have designer clothes sometimes, for 85% off the original price. That's better than a garage sale or the Salvation Army, because these clothes are new!
If I'm with my friend, we'll giggle a lot; making fun of clothes we think are really ugly.
I will feel happy and light-hearted. Full of self confidence.
But I don't feel any of those things now. Especially full of self confidence.
Instead, I feel insecure. Anxious. Not happy and giggly, but more serious. Off my game.
And to top it all off, I'm worried about how I look.
Maybe I shouldn't have worn these two clips in my hair. Maybe people think they look dumb.
My dress seems wrong. Too young. Too casual.
My shoes are a little dirty.
I look around at the people working here. Today, I am seeing them in a whole new way. That older woman behind the cash register in the woman's department looks nice. Sort of motherly. I bet she would be okay to work with.
The two younger,overweight girls behind the jewelry counter seem obnoxious. They're laughing loudly about something. I swear they're looking at me.
Are they laughing at me?
Maybe they're laughing at the clips in my hair. I bet they would be snotty to work with.
I walk over to the sales racks, to stall for time. Suddenly, I've lost my nerve.
Why couldn't I have been born rich? Then I wouldn't have to worry about getting a dumb job. I could have that fun feeling back, instead of this anxious one. Then I wouldn't have to care what people think. I could be above all that.
I hunt through the summer clothes, which are now 70% off.
That's a cute top, I think. But my heart isn't in it. That's because I know what I have to do.
I might as well just get it over with.
I take a deep breath.
Then I head over to the employment office to pick up a job application.
