Sitting here after getting off of a call with an old friend who can be rightly labeled as the person who saved my life roughly thirty-three years ago. As I am still calling in order to touch base and I know he is still on my side through all and the aftermath we have both been through, and there are times when it seems as there is nothing left at all I know he is still there. Making me realize that I need to keep in touch and remember that only true friendships end in death, and we were both well met back in 1984 in that place where no deed either good or bad ever goes unpunished. Still, I wonder if only the faithful will be rewarded and will I be worthy to receive the call when the end finally arrives?
Closing my eyes during the call and I can see that place where we met that first time, and I know that might trigger a flashback or two and I hope that you understand and not let go of my hand. Having once upon a time took and hung my hopes out on the line only to find them to be withered as if on the vine by the dark light of the sun. Wondering at times how I existed with feelings without emotions, but then again there were some who once said there would be some form of emotion that is not going to be clearly defined. I may not speak right, but at least I know what I speak of whether they like it or not, and occasionally my words stumble before I start being like a full stop.
Hoping at times in those times of darkness like being in those complicated shadows that have the power to break iron and bend steel, we can still see. But then again, I have been there, and done that and have walked away from many things with words that should not have been said. Except in the cases of having been well met like Peachy and Danny in Kipling’s Man Who Would Be King and have sometimes felt like my senses were sharpened up to go in for the kill while looking for a singular touch of grace when walking away from those things that seemed to be dead or dying.
Still, most of the voices heard seem to be full of fury yet signify nothing and just seem to burn holes and manage to keep the fire alive in me, as I continue to make my way on down the line. Freezing them out as I pass in front of the vacuum in their eyes, and doing the opposite of most. Instead of looking them up I just keep moving and filing them away except for those chosen few who matter more than most. Trying to keep them close to me, and to square, all the best I can like holding back the river and heading on down the line and going where the Tao directs each moment must be to flow onward. Still, when I look in your eyes will you stand there and holding my hand and wander down these roads by my side?
Sometimes I get nervous and betray some emotion, and those are the times when one needs to close their eyes and clear their heart while on bended knee looking and asking for the answer sought. My hands might be cold from the rumour of my having ice water in my veins, with a heart of stone instead of what is there made of steel from every lie, kick, and blow taken. To be taken and turn the pain into power from the meaner side of life, with hardly an emotion shown, and hardening the resolve to continue making my way on down the line and to honour that one law I hold sacred and attempt to make things right though so much has gone wrong as I head down the road looking for the real thing.
Keeping the spirit alive and going to try to touch a guiding star turning from blue to red depending on how all is dictated by the Tao. I still have those who don’t know my kind in their world and hearing them telling me what they can do for me, and I ain’t blind and usually don’t like what I think I see. So, if they are a member of that Mangy Motley Crew or those I’d stop a bullet for then I know all is usually true with none of those who have drained a cup from those rivers of blindness, or from the whirlpool of lies near that waterfall of pity. Lord knows I have paid some dues getting through, as I stood here on the side of the road with rain falling on my shoes usually with the past close behind. With the only thing to do is to keep up keeping on with most of those I once knew becoming like illusions and I’ll just keep moving on and not really caring what most have done with their lives.
So, if you find yourself trying to sleep on the cold hard ground and wake in a stranger’s coat and wonder who did it……, I hate to say it, but it would probably be me though I ain’t the easiest person to know.
Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. March 2017 – 18
