My ma has always pounded in my head, how important an education is. I counted up to ten but ran out of fingers. There will always be a job for me long as the Waffle House and Walmart are in business. In school, I majored in WrestleMania and NASCAR. Presently, I am employed at the one and only carwash in town. Soon to become assistant to the assistant manager.

My family became "highfalutin" when we moved to a trailer park at the corner of Skeeter Davis Blvd. and Mo Bandy Drive. The park use to be the county landfill, but who is smelling now? The weevils moved out and went down to Georgia.

I was in the outhouse doing my business. Still in the process of being potty trained, and listening to the radio. Garth Brook was singing, "Mama's in the graveyard, papa's in the pen." It brought tears to my eyes because granny got whacked by a runaway cotton candy wagon during a visit to Five Out of Ten  Flags over Southeast  Alabama. She was so flattened we had to bury her in a Domino’s pizza box but salvage the garlic butter.

Grandpa is addicted to Preparation H and Herbie, the lovebug, a 1968 rusted-out Volkswagen. He likes to visit the junkyards because the Pizza box is in the back seat of a degendered Edsel. It brings him closer to granny.

I am getting ready to spend the weekend at a nudist colonoscopy. It was there that I met my swoon-to-be-betrothed. She is the President of the town's Little Jimmy Dickens Fan Club. I am getting all emotional now.

One of Elvis Presley's first public singing experiences in 12th grade was performing a song from Theresa Brewer's: "Till I Waltz Again with You"

Rest in peace grandma, and "Put another nickel in. In the nickelodeon."