Sitting here remembering some of the things that they used to tell me: About the fact I ain’t goin’ nowhere unless I got up early in the morning to realize all of my responsibilities while shouldering a heavy load. And be able to accept, and face reality in order to keep on goin’ on down the line. They also told me I had to work like a man in order to do a real man’s job, and that I was going to have to take all the trouble and strife life would dish out at me-

I drifted down the road to ruin for a while and couldn't find my way 'cause I didn't really know what I was doin' and saw a lot of people coming back the other way as I continued heading down. I kept on goin’, and heard some of them say as we passed that some prayers will never reach the sky. Just like I found that some wounds will never heal, and some wars, even if unwaged still rage and sting even if they have ended.

But then again I have been a bit of a rebel most of my days, trying to be an individual and instead was considered more of a renegade, for writing against the lines, and being a non-conformist. There have been some causes I supported that were lost ones from the beginning, but when the bugles called I stood my ground and at times fell whether I was right or wrong. Then again, some dreams I have refuse to die and manage to give hope. Which is something even the damned in Hell have so that they might dream of Heaven.

Still I wonder if I ever let anyone down now when the days have turned cold, and short. And, has me wondering if I should just fold the hand I’m holding that was dealt to me by the Devil from the bottom of the deck instead of trying to bluff my way with a losing hand, as I have tried to do in the past?

Deep inside I feel the beast beginning to arise and rear its head deep in those complicated shadows we all carry deep within us, leaving no place to run or hide. And when I see my reflection in the mirror on the shelf I see in my tired eyes where my feelings lie and sometimes the demons hiding that come out when the nights stretch out like a long double edged blade.

I have been here many times before and hurt myself knowing there's been no one else to blame for the decisions and actions that were taken and seemed right at the time. Having asked some to be my friend and instead found most everyone standing around wearing black and white on their faces like Vaudeville seeming to be having so much fun, never really seeing the emotions in our eyes-

I might have occasionally lost myself and might seem if I might not be able to be found when I feel the shadows upon me and stop where I stand thinking that I feel unsafe and might break. Instead I would rather bend than break after having been broken once, or was it shattered in those complicated shadows that can break iron and bend steel?

Opening my fist to take those things I have missed to be like that lone soldier who lost every battle, but ended up winning the war. Instead of standing in the scorched earth that can be seen like the flames billowing from a burning boxcar on the siding. Walking alone down a lonely road as I head on down the line-

I don’t know if I will grow old gracefully, or want to go ‘til it’s too late, but then I might just be some old man in the road somewhere kneeling in the dust by the side of a black topped ribbon highway. For I know some have already held a final requiem over me and had the grave dug hoping I will stay defeated just like the South was, which some have said will one day rise again.

I was branded as a liar by the one who speaks in a thousand voices perfectly loud from both sides of his mouth. Having all the saints that were once seen begin to tarnish and fade like some dreams I once had. Making me think that this is maybe my kingdom come after all being said and done-

And be sorry for what I have done and said for this being my life, and for living it I know I must pay. Knowing when my time finally comes I will probably be Hell bound when all has ended.

Copyright Timberwolf International LTD: January 2015 - 2