Everything is such a mess. Everything I touch turns to dust and every time I speak, you look at me with disgust. I don’t know who to trust and wonder is this love or lust. And I don’t want to care about those who stare. I don’t want to share with anyone who is sometimes there yet never fully aware. Maybe it’s true and I think too much. Maybe I love and care and such. Or maybe it is that I am sick with love, with wanting something from the heavens above.

I ask and you never really say. You never tell me you feel this way. I ask you to play and you always stay. I feel your arms around me and hear you whisper softly. I giggle and feel so free when you decide to let me see. What it is you hide, something more than pride, and even though I’ve tried you keep it all inside. This love causes me pain and leaves me far from feeling sane, It pulses in my vein, yet beside me you remain and continuously fuck with my brain. Because I let you.

You were once a protector of my darkest self. Now you only hurt me with words and your hand, until I can’t stand. Your marks left to brand my flesh, left as you’ve planned. How do I get out? You have filled my head with doubt wandering about. I talk. You shout. And with every assault I think it’s my fault and clean my wounds with warm water and salt. And oh how it stings, when you say those things making my ears ring, you were my everything.

What to do, what to do? Go on loving you? Feeling blue? Pretending the happiness is real even though I know it isn’t true. Will I ever mean more? Will you forever think me a whore? The man that I adore slamming me against the door. Threats of worse if I go, I just don’t know, I don’t want to see the show. You are a manipulator pro. The chaos in my head makes me wish you were dead and I am filled with dread remembering all you’ve said and done. The gun. The gun. Always one finger ready to shoot me in the head. This is the path you’ve led. Your tools are kept in the shed to fight the things I’ve said.

This has to end so we can mend. We need to stop now, we will find out how. Truth is I still care even though you are not aware, my love is always meant to share. So go melt into the night, before the next fight that leaves me crying all night as you cower and take flight. Everything will be alright. Say it again. Everything will be alright.