They are going to betray you and they are going to forget you I heard them say once, and it’s one of the reasons I walk alone. And feeling like I am stranded like a runaway out in the vast ocean, so I walk on down the line making my way hearing the occasional stranger’s voice and looking everywhere, with the ghost of time and my shadow as my only companions. Feeling at times as if I were a primitive man and hearing myself being called a ginsop or a wandering sign, but then again what cares I for their words of praise?

Knowing there are hill that need to be climbed and hanging onto just those shreds of dreams, I have left as the sands of time shift, and at times feel like quicksand. Trying to keep things close to me and trying to be square but then again it don’t seem to mean a thing. In what seemed to be a different life I battled against the tide and tried to hold back the river in vain it seemed, near those waterfalls of pity and whirlpools of lies, as some wanted to see from the look in my eyes if I had drained a cup from those rivers of blindness, instead of near it.

Recalling times when some thought I stood twelve feet tall and could do no wrong, and I know it is a part of me as well as apart from me. And when the effigy came crashing down I knew I was never magnificent and being able to still see for miles, as I reinvented myself and shouldered my pack and set off down those; back roads, railroad tracks, and answered the calls of those old Highways 51 and 61, to wherever I was to be at that time as directed by the Tao. And still I wonder what this thing is that they call the self, and facing restless people I pass by as I make my way, and sometimes feel them burning their eyes on my passage to a destination they have no idea and at times feels out of reach.

Having stood tall and turned into the storm, and having given some things my all with victory always going to someone else for the things I did. And instead took the suffering and the pain, yet I can say I took all I could and tried to do it all. Somehow keeping my faith and the code I forged to live by, and when I finally stand in the flames I know there is no Hell that can match the depths of my pride and when I look the Devil in the eyes I can say only that I was brave enough to die.

I know that I have pushed people and myself hard in most things but, there are times when I can feel my heart which won’t let me give in though there are times when I feel like giving it all up and letting all go. Old habits die hard and try to do the best with whatever is left. Carrying with me collateral damage in the form of choices that were made, and following those doctrines that have become second nature, and at times I wonder if I will be missed by those left behind or those lives I have touched. Appearances change and in most cases they don’t change who we are underneath.

I can only say where I have been and not sure where I should begin, and I have been there and back again, as I learned to live with memories. Feeling as if I have always been running without both feet on the floor and feeling the shadows starting to fall upon the door. And the hands of time seem to have slowed down and can be hardly heard to be ticking anymore, as the darkness falls. A fortune teller once said I would be free, and never said when that would be, as I try to burn those photographs to try and break with the past. Knowing well have our sins we carry with us that will one day be forgiven, with gravity combined with history seems to be holding all things back.

Still as I continue on down the line I find myself passing all those tumbled down farms and shacks, reminding me that all things have their time and then it passes; sometimes in the blink of an eye as Dylan said about time passing all by. Wanting to lose myself and knowing I can’t lose control even if time is fleeting, and madness tries to hold sway. Feeling at times as if looking for the light, but someone shut off the power. Knowing there are times when I have done wrong and now I am feeling all the strength I have found to rise up and overcome those demons, and avoid those places those fools have gone ahead of me. Though things might seem unforgivable with nothing felt at times.

Making me ask myself if I am better off dead, or am I a quitter? Wondering if I will ever see where this will end one day, as others think I am just crazy, and wondering if I can change all things for the better.

Copyright Timberwolf International LTD: March 2016 – 14