Jan 25, 2015 35 Views:

The news article read like this: “Wanted: Squirrel sought for contempt of court.”

Family Court Judge M. Mulroy was the victim of a broad daylight heist in her own court room Wednesday. She described the suspect as 6 inches tall, gray, with a bushy tail and beady little eyes, which was last seen sprinting toward Jefferson Street with the judge's stash of individually wrapped chocolate bars. "He took the entire bag," the Judge complained.

Thursday. This was an article in our local Post Standard of Syracuse, N.Y. and dated Friday June 22, 2007. To view the entire story go to the Post Standard archives for that day.

This was my story:

I have to tell you – I am on to something. I am telling you this story so that you will get the word out to everyone you know. There is a secret conspiracy or a secret society, lurking and operating right under our noses. When I begin to share all that I know about this terror plot, you will no doubt believe my report. Ever watch squirrels? No, I mean really watch them! You may have seen the commercial that showed the squirrel running out into traffic and darting BACK TO safety. He caused a car accident and then he did a high five with another squirrel. I know it is only funny until someone gets hurt, then it is hilarious.

If you thought it was funny, think again. It is not so far from the truth. Couple this with the fact that squirrels are showing up everywhere. I’ll bet there are fifty or sixty of them in my attic area. My attic is not useable by us, and I think they know it. It could be a cell place for their planning committee. Please do not laugh at my assumptions here, but late at night I see them move in large groups of twenty or more across the driveway.

They probably had a meeting in my attic, since during the day I only notice one or two operating together.

Squirrels are always carrying nuts around. I think it is a diversion for what they are really planning. They also bury those nuts everywhere. They gather more nuts than they will ever eat in their lifetime - trust me – something doesn’t smell right. The extra nuts that are buried and are never retrieved later on become new trees. For this reason there will always be nut trees, even if every other tree dies out or is cut down. Do you think that squirrels are absentminded about where they buried all of those nuts? I would like to believe that also, but trust me, it just ain’t so! If it is their main food source, then there will need to be nut trees when no other food remains.

I believe they are planning for their own future. I think our future could be a bit shaky. If you are at all observant, then you have noticed that squirrels spend much of their time walking across the telephone lines. Why? Learning to be acrobats so they can join the circus, I don't think so. I believe that they are listening to our every conversation. How else can they hope to beat us? How else could they take over? Get ready for a rude awakening.

The next step may be the break in of our homes. I watched with my family as a squirrel sat at our front door – chewing at the corner of the molding. The squirrel never saw us watching him. When he did finally see us, he acted very nervous and jittery as he scampered off.

A short time ago, the folks who lived downstairs from us were screaming. I ran down to see if I could assist them. A squirrel had eaten completely through a wall in their dryer room. The exterminator came and only patched the hole. Hello, these squirrels are on a mission. They will just eat through the wall again – you have to get rid of them!

At my place, I believe we are dealing with domestic and foreign squirrels. Some of them look and act different from any of the squirrels I have seen in my lifetime. Some are not from our neighborhoods, I guarantee it! Who the heck is watching our borders? Please take heed to also watch your back sides. This is not just a warning. And if I hear the word paranoid one more time, I think I will scream! If more of us do not take action soon, it could be our demise.

These innocent looking critters have an agenda, and just like in the commercial they don’t care who they hurt.

I believe we must start rounding them up. Are there innocent ones, possibly, but I doubt it? They must all be viewed as potential terrorists. Our entire human civilization could be in serious jeopardy, if we ignore the warning signs. Look for more activity by these squirrels. Things are only going to heat up, to escalate, if squirrels remain unchecked.

Now you decide! Innocent; I think not? A friend of mine reported seeing some squirrels in his dumpster and they were hauling out note papers and letters. They must have been taking them back to their lab for analysis. This information that I am reporting to you will keep gnawing away at me until I can get it out to everyone.

Please do not dismiss the obvious! Begin to take steps now to safeguard yourself and your family – while you still have one. The end or is it? Don Ford is a published writer out of Manlius N.Y. and has sold 6 stories to National magazines over the past year. This made up tale would be great around a bonfire. Be sure to pull up a chair by the fire, and have the smores and hot chocolate ready as you read it to family and friends.

If more of us do not take action soon, it could be our demise. These innocent looking critters have an agenda, and just like in the commercial they don’t care who they hurt. I believe we must start rounding them up. Are there innocent ones, possibly, but I doubt it? They must all be viewed as potential terrorists. Our entire human civilization could be in serious jeopardy, if we ignore the warning signs.