As I turn my iPod on, set my earplug and put the volume to it's maximum. I grab the book in my bed and walk away from the room. I started walking, running and walking again. I'm lost listening to the music playing in my ears, a book in my hand not thinking just listening to the music and keep walking, running and walking again. Looking at my surroundings, people passed me by as if I didn't exist. Yes I do feel that, invisible to the eyes of the one I wanted to get noticed by. I keep walking, running and walking again there in the woods, as if I am one of them never noticed but there. The music still playing in my ears, I found a place where I can be laying my sweaty tired self in the grass looking at the sky above thinking of my life ... what it would become.

"What will happen to me now?" as I've asked myself for a hundred times.

Now that you realized you're not happy anymore with me, that our life is just based on a paper that's keeping you to me. Yes not to stay, cause you happily wander a lot alone with different people you love to be with... but not with me.

I open the book I'm holding, still listening to the music playing from my iPod I started reading. A romance, where the writer wrote about the heroine's life as I felt transported inside the book as I read. The story is getting into me, absorbed in every words I am, lost to the world I know not about. I joined in with her journey to life wherever she maybe going, being happy with her, suffering with her, falling in love with her, as if that is my life I'm reading about but of course with a happy ending and I'm back ... reality kicks in.

Realizing that is not my life, what I have now is the life I'm straggling with.